On the Importance of Being Agreeable

Good manners are natural with some people; but unlike charm, they can also be acquired. Given a serious desire to make oneself agreeable, the rest is not very difficult. As Swift says,: Few are qualified to shine in company, but it is in most men’s power to be agreeable.” And :If I was obliged to define politeness I should call it the art of making oneself agreeable.” (Smallett).

Agreeable—that’s the word! The dictionary says that “agreeable” implies harmony with one’s social environment, and that is the crux of the whole matter. In a civilized society, it is necessary for each of us to make concessions and compromises, to put ourselves in the place of others, to be tolerant of them. One must be thoughtful and generous. Lord Chesterfield, who knew more about good breeding than anyone else, wrote in one of his letters to his son: “Never seem wiser or more learned than the people you are with… Abhor a knave and pity a fool in your heart, but let neither of them unnecessarily see you do so.”

The essence of the phrase lies in the word “necessarily”. Be kind even to people you don’t like, by hiding your real feelings concerning them. They must be spared the knowledge of your inmost secret reactions. They must never be “unnecessarily” wounded—by you.

There was once a young man who boasted that, being a graduate from Oxford, it was his privilege to be as impertinent as he liked. We do not know what ever became of him.

How different was the attitude of President Jackson! One day he was riding – so the story runs – with a nephew who was something of a snob. An old Negro, passing by afoot on the road, removed his hat greeting them. And immediately Jackson returned the bow. “What, Uncle,” the nephew exclaimed, horrified, “you would bow to such a lowly person?” “Ah, answered the President, “would you have me less polite than he?”

Snob – 1) a person, who dislikes those he/she feels to be of lower social class, and admires people of a higher social class;

2) A person who is too proud of having special knowledge in a subject.

Musical snob who likes only Mozart.

Snobbery – behavior of a snob.

Pure happiness

By Alice Stanebah

Longing in my lawn chair one Sunday—the newspapers stacked next to me, the cats arranged in comma shapes on the grass, the sun dappling the leaves in light and shade—I thought to myself: This is it. Pure Happiness. Not the blockbuster kind of happiness that we spend so much time searching for in love, work and a good haircut—but the smaller, more dependable happiness that lies coiled, just ready to be sprung in ordinary moments.

If happiness is as easy as this, I thought, why is it so difficult to stay happy for a long period? Is there something about the human condition that directs us away from being happy? Or do we mistakenly think of happiness as a permanent resident in our lives, rather than a visitor who comes and goes?

Happy moments—those moments when you feel fully alive—certainly exist. They swim by us every day like shining, silver fish waiting to be caught. When I surveyed my friends, what I hauled in on the subject turned out to be the small fish of happiness, not the big denizens of the deep. They said happiness is…

Coming home to see the answering-machine light blinking.

Triumphs by my kids, triumphs by me.

Blue Mountain coffee, freshly brewed.

Long drives by yourself.

Waking up without the alarm.

Seeing someone you love after a long absence.

Ultimately, what’s so wonderful about happiness is that even when you’re not searching for it, it can find you. How else can I explain the feeling I had when a small boy came up to me in the supermarket and told me he liked my shoes?