I had no idea that any other life was possible. Maria told us this was the way things were, and we believed.

"She asked me to tell her when my brothers and I were ready to fight, and I was eager to prove myself. I pulled together an army of twenty-three in the end - twenty-three unbelievably strong new vampires, organized and skilled as no others before.

"Do you think you could have caused a problem for the Volturi?" Emmett asked.

"No," Jasper answered immediately. "Even though we were better than the average newborn army...we never would have stood a chance. Why are you so interested in the Volturi this time?"

"Well, with these books, they just seem a lot more real than they ever have before," Emmett shrugged. "I mean, before I've just heard about them, but...but now..."

"You've still only just heard about them," Alice smirked.

"You know what I mean, Shorty," Emmett grumbled. "Don't you feel like you know more about them now that you've heard them in action?"

"I guess," Alice shrugged.

"Anyway, I would just like to know how strong you really think those guys are," Emmett shrugged. "Is that so weird?"

Maria was ecstatic.

"We crept down toward Monterrey, her former home, and she unleashed us on her enemies. They had only nine newborns at the time, and a pair of older vampires controlling them. We took them down more easily than Maria could believe, losing only four in the process. It was an unheard-of margin of victory.

"And we were well trained. We did it without attracting notice. The city changed hands without any human being aware.

"Success made Maria greedy. It wasn't long before she began to eye other cities. That first year, she extended her control to cover most of Texas and northern Mexico. Then the others came from the South to dislodge her."

He brushed two fingers along the faint pattern of scars on his arm.

"Why do you always do that when you talk about that fight?" Esme asked.

"They were the first battle scars I received," Jasper shrugged.

"The fighting was intense. Many began to worry that the Volturi would return. Of the original twenty-three, I was the only one to survive the first eighteen months. We both won and lost. Nettie and Lucy turned on Maria eventually - but that one we won.

"Maria and I were able to hold on to Monterrey. It quieted a little, though the wars continued. The idea of conquest was dying out; it was mostly vengeance and feuding now. So many had lost their partners, and that is something our kind does not forgive. . . .

"Maria and I always kept a dozen or so newborns ready. They meant little to us - they were pawns, they were disposable. When they outgrew their usefulness, we did dispose of them. My life continued in the same violent pattern and the years passed. I was sick of it all for very long time before anything changed . . .

"Decades later, I developed a friendship with a newborn who'd remained useful and survived his first three years, against the odds. His name was Peter. I liked Peter; he was . . . civilized - I suppose that's the right word. He didn't enjoy the fight, though he was good at it.

"He was assigned to deal with the newborns - babysit them, you could say. It was a full-time job.

"And then it was time to purge again. The newborns were outgrowing their strength; they were due to be replaced. Peter was supposed to help me dispose of them. We took them aside individually, you see, one by one . . . It was always a very long night. This time, he tried to convince me that a few had potential, but Maria had instructed that we get rid of them all. I told him no.

"We were about halfway through, and I could feel that it was taking a great toll on Peter. I was trying to decide whether or not I should send him away and finish up myself as I called out the next victim. To my surprise, he was suddenly angry, furious. I braced for whatever his mood might foreshadow - he was a good fighter, but he was never a match for me.

"The newborn I'd summoned was a female, just past her year mark. Her name was Charlotte. His feelings changed when she came into view; they gave him away. He yelled for her to run, and he bolted after her. I could have pursued them, but I didn't. I felt . . . averse to destroying him.

"That's a good thing, too," Emmett said. "Peter is a good guy...excellent competition in a match."

"For you maybe," Jasper said smugly. "And it is a good thing...I would imagine I would still be in the South if Peter hadn't come back for me."

"Nah, you wouldn't have," Emmett disagreed. "Shorty would have gone and got you if you made her wait any longer than you did."

"That's probably true," Alice smiled at Jasper.

"Maria was irritated with me for that . . .

"Five years later, Peter snuck back for me. He picked a good day to arrive.

"Maria was mystified by my ever-deteriorating frame of mind. She'd never felt a moment's depression, and I wondered why I was different. I began to notice a change in her emotions when she was near me - sometimes there was fear . . . and malice - the same feelings that had given me advance warning when Nettie and Lucy struck. I was preparing myself to destroy my only ally, the core of my existence, when Peter returned.

"Peter told me about his new life with Charlotte, told me about options I'd never dreamed I had. In five years, they'd never had a fight, though they'd met many others in the north. Others who could co-exist without the constant mayhem.

"In one conversation, he had me convinced. I was ready to go, and somewhat relieved I wouldn't have to kill Maria. I'd been her companion for as many years as Carlisle and Edward have been together, yet the bond between us was nowhere near as strong. When you live for the fight, for the blood, the relationships you form are tenuous and easily broken. I walked away without a backward glance.

"I traveled with Peter and Charlotte for a few years, getting the feel of this new, more peaceful world. But the depression didn't fade. I didn't understand what was wrong with me, until Peter noticed that it was always worse after I'd hunted.

"I contemplated that. In so many years of slaughter and carnage, I'd lost nearly all of my humanity. I was undeniably a nightmare, a monster of the grisliest kind. Yet each time I found another human victim, I would feel a faint prick of remembrance for that other life. Watching their eyes widen in wonder at my beauty, I could see Maria and the others in my head, what they had looked like to me the last night that I was Jasper Whitlock. It was stronger for me - this borrowed memory - than it was for anyone else, because I could feel everything my prey was feeling. And I lived their emotions as I killed them.

"You've experienced the way I can manipulate the emotions around myself, Bella, but I wonder if you realize how the feelings in a room affect me . I live every day in a climate of emotion. For the first century of my life, I lived in a world of bloodthirsty vengeance. Hate was my constant companion. It eased some when I left Maria, but I still had to feel the horror and fear of my prey.

"It began to be too much.

"The depression got worse, and I wandered away from Peter and Charlotte. Civilized as they were, they didn't feel the same aversion I was beginning to feel. They only wanted peace from the fight. I was so wearied by killing - killing anyone, even mere humans.

"Yet I had to keep killing. What choice did I have? I tried to kill less often, but I would get too thirsty and I would give in. After a century of instant gratification, I found self-discipline . . . challenging. I still haven't perfected that."

"You will, don't worry," Carlisle said, noticing the look of concern on Jasper's face.

"It must be so hard for you to go from that horrible climate..." Esme said, starting to fret like she often did.

"Yes, but it really made me appreciate our life more," Jasper said.

Jasper was lost in the story, as was I. It surprised me when his desolate expression smoothed into a peaceful smile.

"Aww... here I come," Alice smiled.

"My favorite part," Jasper returned the smile.

"I was in Philadelphia. There was a storm, and I was out during the day - something I was not completely comfortable with yet. I knew standing in the rain would attract attention, so I ducked into a little half-empty diner. My eyes were dark enough that no one would notice them, though this meant I was thirsty, and that worried me a little.

"She was there - expecting me, naturally." He chuckled once. "She hopped down from the high stool at the counter as soon as I walked in and came directly toward me.

"It shocked me. I was not sure if she meant to attack. That's the only interpretation of her behavior my past had to offer. But she was smiling. And the emotions that were emanating from her were like nothing I'd ever felt before.

"'You've kept me waiting a long time,' she said."