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Hamburger Heaven

Hamburgers! Mm... Delicious/ The hamburger is one of America's favourite foods and has helped make the USA one of the fattest countries in the world. Hamburgers are everywhere in America and no matter where you go, you'll probably be no further than 100 meters from somewhere that sells these tasty pieces of cow meat. This month, Hot English's very own Jeff Fenyo takes a look at America's insatiable appetite for burgers.

Hamburger Nation

There was once a time in the United States when people didn't eat hamburgers. US president Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) never had the pleasure of eating a double bacon cheeseburger. But then in 1904 something happened that would change the world forever. On a warm Saturday morning, at the 1904 World Fair in St. Louis, Thomas Puckerbutt arrived at his hot dog stand at 10:06 AM to prepare for the day's hungry crowd of visitors. To his horror, he was informed that there was a transport strike, and that no hot dogs would be delivered for at least another week. He was horrified, shocked and desperate. He would be ruined! He sat down in front of his stand, crying inconsolably. Then, all of a sudden, Puckerbutt began to smile as he developed a plan to save his business. At 11:23 AM the first “hamburger” was born. The crowd went wild over this delicious creation. By the late 1930's, the ham­burger had become one of the most popular foods in the country.

38 Billion Burgers

Americans eat an incredible quantity of hamburgers. Ac­cording to a leading hamburger researcher, the average American eats nearly 14 kilos of hamburger a year. This means that around 38 billion burgers are eaten annually. At­tempts by mathematicians to calculate how many cows must be sacrificed each year to make all these ham­burgers have ended in failure. The problem is that no one is certain what percentage of the cow actually goes into making the hamburgers served in fast-food restaurants. Do the hamburgers include the cows' tongues? The tails? The ears? The organs? Or are they 100% top-quality meat? Until the big fast-food restaurants reveal their secret recipes, the true number of cows used to make hamburgers will remain a mystery.

Hamburger Eating Contests

Americans love sport, and they've invented some re­ally strange sports that hardly anyone knows about. One of these is “Hamburger Eating” and “Hamburger Eating Competitions”. These competitions are normally organized by hamburger restaurants or meat manufac­turers and attract contestants from all over the country. It's a serious spot and the professional contestants spend months training their stomachs to absorb huge amounts of cow meat in very short periods of time.

The competition itself is as tactical as chess match and as spirited as a game of American football. Here's how it works the contest­ants slowly take their seats at the eating table and carefully observe their opponents, searching for any signs of weaknesses or nervous­ness. As the piles of hamburgers aге placed in front of them, it isn't unusual for the competitors to laugh in a sinister way in order to intimidate the other competitors. When all is prepared, the compe­tition judge points the starting gun in the air. Ready, set… go! The gun is fired, and the contestants dive into their hamburgers and shove as many down their throats as possible before the judge signals the end of the competition. The contestant who eats the most hamburgers, and is still conscious and breathing at the end of the event, is the “Hamburger Eating Champion”.

Spectators

It's an exciting event, but it's also disgusting. Just imagine these sights and sounds: competitors stuffing their faces with so many burgers that the grease flows out of their mouths and trickles down their hands, arms and necks; loud and objectionable sounds coming from the competitors' abused bodies; participants turning green from hamburger overdose and becoming violently ill in front of the spectators. And the contestants aren't exactly the sort of people you get on Baywatc! It's vile, it's repulsive, but the people love it. There's still no television contract to broadcast these contests, but the demand for quality television is so high in America that the or­ganizers are confident that millions of viewers will soon see the competitions live on TV.

Hamburger Consequences

Hamburgers are popular, but they're also making the United States one of the fattest countries in the world. Americans give the im­pression that they're obsessed with health and fitness, but the truth is that most people are in terrible shape and have no interest in taking care of themselves. These days fitness magazines conduct surveys each yеaг to see which city will earn the title of “America's Fattest City”. It's an award that no city wants. In case you're curious, the cities selected in 2005 as America's fattest were Detroit, Houston, Dallas, San Antonio and Chicago. Big cities with very big bellies.

No matter what the health consequences, Americans will never stop eating hamburgers – they are too addicted to them.