Health and illness

1. Study the ‘case history’ below. Then write ten headlines for the President's ten-day illness, from President taken ill to The nation hold its breath.

‘You're in perfect health ... as fit as a fiddle ... there's nothing wrong with you.’

‘I feel a bit off-colour... rather under the weather... I do feel funny ... I really don’t feel well... I think I'm sickening for something... I feel feverish... like death warmed up.’

‘He's been taken ill... he's in a coma ... fighting for his life ... still critically ill... in a very critical condition ... no change... still seriously ill... still hasn't regained consciousness... is responding to treatment... off the danger list... showing signs of coming round ... making progress ... his condition is satisfactory... he's come out of the coma... he's as well as can be expected ... comfortable... no change... he's turned the corner... he's on the mend.’

‘We all wish you a speedy recovery... get well soon ... we're glad you're over it.’

‘The worst is over... he's almost completely recovered ... he's practically cured ... he's convalescing... coming along nicely... he'll be on his feet again soon ... he'll be out and about again in a few days.’

‘He's had a relapse... he's no better... he's getting worse... his condition is deteriorating... he's getting weaker... he's slipping away... fading fast... his life is hanging by a thread... it's just a matter of time... he could go at any second!’

‘He's made a miraculous recovery... he's as good as new ... as right as rain ... he’ll live till he's a hundred.’

2. After all that, do you feel well enough to read on? Note the ways that illnesses can be spoken of and reported in the text below.

Examination Fever

For most of the year, most of us had been allergic to work; apparently there had been a history of such allergies in the school.

Throughout the spring there had been quite a few cases of ‘Exams are stupid’, which proved highly contagious among friends.

Then in late May, one or two of us suffered a mild attack of ‘Gosh, is it really next month?’ and we seemed to give that to the others rather rapidly. You could tell how it was spreading from improved attendance at lessons.

An even more serious outbreak was that of the very infectious ‘I don't know a thing’ two weeks before. At about the same time everyone seemed to catch ‘You're no good!’ from the teachers. Then there was a bout of ‘I don't really care’ followed by a few chronic cases of ‘My parents will kill me’. This again proved very catching; half the class was down with it in the week leading up to the exam itself, and it had reached epidemic proportions by the Friday before.

By this time, those who had been suffering from ‘It'll be easy for me’ had made a total recovery.

That Friday there was a ‘What if I'm suffering from amnesia?’ scare, and this had developed by Monday into a touch of ‘I can't even remember my own name’.

There were also, of course, the normal isolated cases of ‘My pen doesn't work’ and several pupils had a sudden fit of ‘Where's the toilet?’

Afterwards there were a couple of complaints of ‘I know I've failed’, but generally the worst seemed to be over. Such diseases are rarely terminal. And after all, we had a convalescence and recuperation period of six and a half weeks to follow.