book (1)

JULIA

Life will put everything in its place... This story is not about how war breaks lives and how much relatives suffered from it, and not even how "they found each other under the bombs," but just how life and the terrible events put everything in its place. It does not matter, if you think you will live out a happy long life with only one dear man. The war will reveal who is who. Indeed, all that happened in my life.

I left Lugansk in early June, just on my birthday. My parents and my boyfriend, who had made me an offer of marriage in February, insisted on this. Until the last moment I refused, I was saying that everything was fine, there were not so many military men on the streets and explosions were not heard. Nevertheless, relatives won. I was glad to see parents and to spend more time with my loved one, but still, something was constantly bugging me...

Sitting at home and helping with the housework, I always phoned friends who stayed in the city. "How are you? Explosions are strong? Are there any news? "- These questions have become common in the telephone conversation with dear people who stayed in surrounded Lugansk. Though it was terrible, but soul wanted to the native city, where explosions were heard, but I stayed in a small country. Thus, my "sittings out" dragged on for three months!

It would seem that I should be glad; I'm at home, next to my parents, away from the explosions and hazards. But the soul is not in place! I really wanted to go to native city, to Lugansk, to help people who stayed there defending their homeland. But I felt sorry for my parents, they would worry, and they have gone through so many things in their life. But that's another story.

By the time, mother of my boyfriend had been suffering from cancer for a year then, but doctors could not specify the heart of the disease. Therefore, on June 31, my fiancé (let‟s call him conditionally A.) as a loving son, hastened to take his mother out of a possible war zone to the Belgorod region. I wanted to go after him in a week to overcome it all together, but knowing that there I would be forced to take refugee status, suspended the process of moving. Firstly, I could not leave my parents for three years. And secondly, I could not leave behind my close friends, who remained under mortar attack, and militant Lugansk.

If I knew then what will it cost me! A. accused me of treachery, and said that I thought only about myself. Constant accusations, mistrust on the part of loved man, daily lies in the news on Ukrainian channels and selfflagellation over two months have brought me to the point that I almost stopped eating, was sleeping poorly and I was ready to do anything to leave Ukraine and live together with my so cautious boyfriend. "But he told me that it would be so ... he warned ... That‟s me, such a

stupid woman, I cannot provide, consider. " I was just

listening to my heart...

And so, on the first of September, I went to the Belgorod region, to "enemy" territory, in order to morally and in every way support a loved one. I shall not describe all that things I had to go through over the next six weeks. Let me just say one thing: I have not ever been to such difficult and painful situations. I heard about cancer, but did not think I would have to face it. That feeling when every second you have to be ready that a person will die.

During the month and a half the mother of A. was dying on my hands. Cooking, bathing, washing, an injection support, meal, pill, an injection ... Again and again. Then it became worse: hallucinations, sleepless nights, groans, hospice and the smell of rotting flesh that haunts you, wherever you go. During this time, mother of my man was my friend, relative, but she hasn‟t become my mother in law...

On October 8 at 9 am - my mother phoned and said that at night my grandfather died. 'Funeral is scheduled for midday, "- I heard on the second end of the tube and intuitively felt, as I was slowly crawling to the floor along the wall.

October 10, 11 pm - I dozed off a little bit, but abruptly woke up and saw that my mother opened her eyes (she had not opened them for 4 days). Instinct told me: "Well,

that's all." For an hour I was talking to her and was trying

to comfort her, listening to her labored breathing. There was just a look to nowhere and only one tear of powerlessness and fear. "Do not be afraid, I'm here, I'm here" - I was repeating until the heart has not stopped. "23.50" - the nurse fixed the time of death...

And then everything just started falling apart. Pain, lies, betrayal, alcohol, antidepressants ... And in the end, all were in their places: my boyfriend, as he wanted to, remained in Russia, and I like I wanted to, returned to my hometown Lugansk to defend native walls of the university.

During this time, much has changed: human values changed its polarity, the desire changed its vector, and priorities have been revised. During this time I have also changed, the difficulties did not break me, but on the contrary made me stronger. Now I know that I am in the right place and will not move from this place as long as my hometown and alma mater wouldn‟t rise like a phoenix from the ashes! I'm sure that right now through the trials and tribulations life puts everyone in its place, because each of us has a role to play, our own destiny. And no matter how hard it is, we can handle and win, as then, back in the 1945!

Maria

Walking by my favorite alley of Vladimir Dahl

I could write about my hometown of Lugansk, which was bombed on my eyes, about the fates until recently happy people, who also collapsed on my eyes.

But I want to tell you about the armchair. Yes, you read that right, it is about the armchair. I want to warn: don't waste your time, don't read further if the war did not touch your soul. You will unlikely understand what I am writing about.

That morning I madly wanted to walk around my favorite alley of Vladimir Dahl. These were the first days of autumn. The very time when the gentle rays of the sun warmed all around, falling on the ground, but at the same time it wasn't hot and even there was a slight freshness. Morning. That morning, probably was the most remarkable! Why? Because at night the city seemed to be asleep. Slept quietly and woke up not from the shots, but as something in itself. Such morning sunrises had happened before, but every time this silence was just the calm before the new tests. And still every time we hoped and believed that it was the end of the war. There will be no more attacks, no

airstrikes, and the city will finally be able to heal the usual life... Yes, the war left a mark on my favorite alley, but it became even dearer and more nice, despite it's unpresentable view.

Wounded by shrapnel the old branches of a tall poplar tree bent over a path strewn with the leaves and the broken windows, located in the vicinity of the school and the cartridge plant. Of course, it was sad to look at this picture, but suddenly I saw something that made me forget about all thoughts and go forward faster. In the distance from behind the branches of a linden I could see the wroughtiron armchair. Earlier I saw the forged furniture only in Kiev and in one of the Central parks of our city, but I could not even imagine that something like this would appear on my favorite alley. But how did it come there? The city suspended all payments, and then suddenly there is such a gift... This is certainly great, but now is not the best time for gifts. I walked over to the chair close, and all thoughts came to an abrupt end - I realized that it was not wrought armchair, it was a charred one. It was probably from the security Agency, located across the street from the alley... There were some dumb thoughts in my head. It seems that this is not the saddest picture I have seen lately, and it seems to

be the story of this chair is not difficult to imagine, but somehow a picture of a charred chair and a pile of ashes under it depicted in my memory very clearly on the background of broken windows, raked fences, ruined walls.

At the end of September it became much colder, on some days the city was engulfed by the element. Hurricane wind in addition to rain... Morning. The bad weather subsided a little, the rain was replaced by the fine rain. Usually people don't like this weather - wet, cold, gray, sad... But I don't see any reason to be sad - this is the real autumn. Umbrella saves you from the rain and wind, a favorite coat gives you warm, a bright scarf, a handbag or just yellowed leaf will bring colors to the autumn palette which seems boring at first glance. So for me, autumn rain is not a reason to abandon walking. For three weeks our city is almost quiet, there are only occasionally heard gunfire and single shots, but compared to what was before, now there is a silence. The city perked up noticeably - a lot more cars on the streets, even the traffic lights are working in some places, stores are being opened, the products are being updated, a lot of people are everywhere. I again walk around your favorite alley. The tree that had been touched by the shell was

cut down and taken away. However, the branches are scattered on the walkways, but it is rather the result of a strong wind, not shelling. There is much less glass on the footpaths than earlier. My mind is involuntarily seeking the armchair, which is so firmly etched in my memory. But, alas, it is not here. Is that a figment of my exhausted, tired fantasy? And really: who and why needed to take out the charred armchair on the alley? I had almost convinced myself that there was no any armchair, and even photos which were taken by me on the phone, seemed to me to be a fiction. But suddenly my sight was attracted by a bright spot on the road near the alley. It was a red cloth, and it kind of warned drivers: "Beware of the funnel!" And this cloth was tied to the very charred armchair. I smiled involuntarily. Why did I suddenly feel so joyful?

The answer came when the alley was behind me, and I was walking through the one of my favorite streets in the old part of the city. More recently, there were almost no people, and only shards of glass on the road, smashed shop's windows, the destroyed restaurant and the damaged museum were clearly evident. Because of the fallen leaves and chestnuts it seems that funnels in the asphalt are less. Buildings are still destroyed, but the

people on the street became more noticeably. Unfortunately, it is now rare to see a smiling face. People are tired, exhausted, confused. Probably everyone here has been touched by the war. It brought problems to everyone; it inconvenienced us, changed plans, it left a bitter mark. But despite this "fingerprint", the life goes on! War "burned" us, it changed us, but we remained unbroken, unconquered, and even if you cannot return to your former life, you should search for yourself, like a burnt armchair in the alley of Dahl, and you should not give up and stop in any case!

Instead of an epilogue

(from returnees)