Danger! Sense of humor failure.

(by Bill Bryson)

Here’s my tip of the week. Don’t make jokes in America. Even in experienced hands, a joke can be a dangerous thing. I came to this conclusion recently while passing through Customs and Immigration at Logan airport in Boston. As I approached the last immigration official, he said to me, ‘Any fruit or vegetables?’

What does this question mean? Why does the official ask it?

I considered for a moment. ‘Sure, why not?’ I said. ‘I’ll have four pounds of potatoes and some mangoes, if they are fresh.’

Instantly, I could see that I had misjudged my audience. He looked at me with one of those slow, dark expressions that you never want to see in a uniformed official, but especially in a US Customs and Immigration officer.

Why did the customs official begin to get angry?

Luckily he appeared to conclude that I was just incredibly stupid. ‘Sir,’ he enquired more specifically, ‘Are you carrying any items of fruit or vegetable?’ ‘No, sir, I’m not,’ I answered at once, and gave him the most respectable look I believe I have given anybody in my life. I left him shaking his head. I am sure that for the rest of his career he will always be telling people about the idiot who thought he was a greengrocer.

Why do you think he gave the official a very respectful look?

The same thing happened another time when I was talking to my neighbor about a disastrous airline trip which had left me stranded overnight in Denver. ‘Who did you fly with?’ he asked.

What does the question really mean?

‘I don’t know,’ I replied. ‘They were all strangers.’ He looked at me with an expression of panic.

‘No, I meant which airline did you fly with,’ he said. Soon after this my wife ordered me to stop making jokes with him, as our conversations were giving him migraine.

Why didn’t his neighbor understand his answers?

What do you think these people’s problem was?

Vocabulary and Grammar

Task 11 Find the word with the most general meaning in each line and explain why you think so:

1. contract, certificate, license, document, declaration

2. computer, telephone, equipment, fax-machine, Xerox

3. control, examine, inspect, check

4. terminal, station, port of entry, airport

5. suitcase, rucksack, handbag, box, baggage

6. camera, X-ray machine, technology, metal detector, fiberscope

7. transport, aircraft, train, truck, ship

8. duty, payment, penalty, fine, tax

9. passenger, customer, broker, trader

10) ask, answer, explain, consult, inform, communicate

Task 12 Put the words in the correct order.

1. they/ uniform/ always/ wear.

2. don’t/ English/ speak/ at work/ I.

3. he/ abroad/ on business trips/ goes/ often.

4. passenger’s baggage/ customs/examine/ officers.

5. contraband/ find/ we/ sometimes.

6. with/am/ polite/ customers/ I/ always.

7. you/ do/ computer/ special/ use/ programs?

8. like/ outdoors/ doesn’t/ to work/ she.

9. on the night shift/ do/ work/ you/ often?

10) work/ machine/ doesn’t/ X-ray/ this.

11) passengers/ customs/ through/ pass/ always/ control.

12) help/ to detect/ drugs/ dogs.

13) check-point/ modern/ our/ got/ computers/ has.

14) assesses/ department/ that/ duties/ and/ collects.

15) business/ customs officers/ health/ protect/ public/ and.

Task 13 Find as many words from the topic as you can .

A	B	N	G	P	O	L	I	C	E	T	T
Q	L	A	W	A	A	C	T	W	E	E	O
T	Y	R	U	S	I	O	E	P	A	C	O
C	S	C	U	S	T	O	M	S	F	H	L
O	A	O	G	E	A	F	H	J	K	N	L
M	P	T	U	N	I	F	O	R	M	O	L
P	P	I	Z	G	R	I	X	C	V	L	I
E	L	C	B	E	P	C	A	R	G	O	C
T	Y	S	N	R	O	E	R	M	Q	G	E
E	S	D	C	U	R	R	E	N	C	Y	N
N	D	U	T	Y	T	R	A	F	F	I	C
T	A	X	W	A	R	E	H	O	U	S	E