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The Dynamiter. More new arabian nights

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THE SUPERFLUOUS MANSION
(CONTINUED)
As soon as the old lady had fi nished her relation, Somerset made haste to offer her his compliments.
“Madam,” said he, “your story is not only entertaining but instructive; and you have told it with infi nite vivacity. I was much affected towards the end, as I held at one time very lib­eral opinions, and should certainly have joined a secret society if I had been able to fi nd one. But the whole tale came home to me; and I was the better able to feel for you in your various perplexities, as I am myself of somewhat hasty temper.”
“I do not understand you,” said Mrs. Luxmore, with some marks of irritation. “You must have strangely misinterpreted what I have told you. You fi ll me with surprise.”
Somerset, alarmed by the old lady’s change of tone and manner, hurried to recant.
“Dear Mrs. Luxmore,” said he, “you certainly misconstrue my remark. As a man of somewhat fi ery humour, my conscience repeatedly pricked me when I heard what you had suffered at the hands of persons similarly constituted.”
“Oh, very well indeed,” replied the old lady; “and a very proper spirit. I regret that I have met with it so rarely.”
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“But in all this,” resumed the young man, “I perceive noth­ing that concerns myself.”
“I am about to come to that,” she returned. “And you have already before you, in the pledge I gave Prince Florizel, one of the elements of the affair. I am a woman of the nomadic sort, and when I have no case before the courts I make it a hab­it to visit continental spas: not that I have ever been ill; but then I am no longer young, and I am always happy in a crowd. Well, to come more shortly to the point, I am now on the wing for Evian; this incubus of a house, which I must leave behind and dare not let, hangs heavily upon my hands; and I pro­pose to rid myself of that concern, and do you a very good turn into the bargain, by lending you the mansion, with all its fi ttings, as it stands. The idea was sudden; it appealed to me as humorous: and I am sure it will cause my relatives, if they should ever hear of it, the keenest possible chagrin. Here, then, is the key; and when you return at two to-morrow af­ternoon, you will fi nd neither me nor my cats to disturb you in your new possession.”
So saying, the old lady arose, as if to dismiss her visi­tor; but Somerset, looking somewhat blankly on the key, began to protest.
“Dear Mrs. Luxmore,” said he, “this is a most unusual pro­posal. You know nothing of me, beyond the fact that I dis­played both impudence and timidity. I may be the worst kind of scoundrel; I may sell your furniture –”
“You may blow up the house with gunpowder, for what I care!” cried Mrs. Luxmore. “It is in vain to reason. Such is the force of my character that, when I have one idea clearly
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in my head, I do not care two straws for any side consideration. It amuses me to do it, and let that suffi ce. On your side, you may do what you please – let apartments, or keep a private hotel; on mine, I promise you a full month’s warning before I return, and I never fail religiously to keep my promises.”
The young man was about to renew his protest, when he observed a sudden and signifi cant change in the old lady’s countenance.
“If I thought you capable of disrespect!” she cried.
“Madam,” said Somerset, with the extreme fervour of as­severation, “madam, I accept. I beg you to understand that I ac­cept with joy and gratitude.”
“Ah well,” returned Mrs. Luxmore, “if I am mistaken, let it pass. And now, since all is comfortably settled, I wish you a good-night.”
Thereupon, as if to leave him no room for repentance, she hurried Somerset out of the front door, and left him standing, key in hand, upon the pavement.
The next day, about the hour appointed, the young man found his way to the square, which I will here call Golden Square, though that was not its name. What to expect, he knew not; for a man may live in dreams, and yet be unprepared for their realisation. It was already with a certain pang of surprise that he beheld the mansion, standing in the eye of day, a solid among solids. The key, upon trial, readily opened the front door; he entered that great house, a privileged burglar; and, es­corted by the echoes of desertion, rapidly reviewed the empty chambers. Cats, servant, old lady, the very marks of habitation, like writing on a slate, had been in these few hours obliterated.
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He wandered from fl oor to fl oor, and found the house of great extent; the kitchen offi ces commodious and well appointed; the rooms many and large; and the drawing-room, in par­ticular, an apartment of princely size and tasteful decora­tion. Although the day without was warm, genial, and sunny, with a ruffl ing wind from the quarter of Torquay, a chill, as it were, of suspended animation inhabited the house. Dust and shadows met the eye; and but for the ominous procession of the echoes, and the rumour of the wind among the garden trees, the ear of the young man was stretched in vain.
Behind the dining-room, that pleasant library, referred to by the old lady in her tale, looked upon the fl at roofs and netted cupolas of the kitchen quarters; and on a second visit, this room appeared to greet him with a smiling countenance. He might as well, he thought, avoid the expense of lodging: the library, fi tted with an iron bedstead which he had re­marked, in one of the upper chambers, would serve his purpose for the night; while in the dining-room, which was large, airy, and lightsome, looking on the square and garden, he might very agreeably pass his days, cook his meals, and study to bring himself to some profi ciency in that art of painting which he had recently determined to adopt. It did not take him long to make the change: he had soon returned to the mansion with his modest kit; and the cabman who brought him was readily induced, by the young man’s pleasant manner and a small gra­tuity, to assist him in the installation of the iron bed. By six in the evening, when Somerset went forth to dine, he was able to look back upon the mansion with a sense of pride and property. Four-square it stood, of an imposing frontage, and fl anked on
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either side by family hatchments. His eye, from where he stood whistling in the key, with his back to the garden railings, re­posed on every feature of reality; and yet his own possession seemed as fl imsy as a dream.
In the course of a few days, the genteel inhabitants of the square began to remark the customs of their neighbour. The sight of a young gentleman discussing a clay pipe, about four o’clock of the afternoon, in the drawing-room balcony of so discreet a mansion; and perhaps still more, his periodical excursion to a decent tavern in the neighbourhood, and his unabashed return, nursing the full tankard: had presently raised to a high pitch the interest and indignation of the liver­ied servants of the square. The disfavour of some of these gen­tlemen at fi rst proceeded to the length of insult; but Somerset knew how to be affable with any class of men; and a few rude words merrily accepted, and a few glasses amicably shared, gained for him the right of toleration.
The young man had embraced the art of Raphael, partly from a notion of its ease, partly from an inborn distrust of of­fi ces. He scorned to bear the yoke of any regular schooling; and proceeded to turn one half of the dining-room into a studio for the reproduction of still life. There he amassed a variety of ob­jects, indiscriminately chosen from the kitchen, the drawing­room, and the back garden; and there spent his days in smiling assiduity. Meantime, the great bulk of empty building over­head lay, like a load, upon his imagination. To hold so great a stake and to do nothing, argued some defect of energy; and he at length determined to act upon the hint given by Mrs. Luxmore herself, and to stick, with wafers, in the window of
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the dining-room, a small handbill announcing furnished lodgings. At half-past six of a fi ne July morning, he affi xed the bill, and went forth into the square to study the result. It seemed, to his eye, promising and unpretentious; and he re­turned to the drawing-room balcony, to consider, over a studi­ous pipe, the knotty problem of how much he was to charge.
Thereupon he somewhat relaxed in his devotion to the art of painting. Indeed, from that time forth, he would spend the best part of the day in the front balcony, like the at­tentive angler poring on his fl oat; and the better to support the tedium, he would frequently console himself with his clay pipe. On several occasions, passers-by appeared to be arrest­ed by the ticket, and on several others ladies and gentlemen drove to the very doorstep by the carriageful; but it appeared there was something repulsive in the appearance of the house; for with one accord, they would cast but one look upward, and hastily resume their onward progress or direct the driver to proceed. Somerset had thus the mortifi cation of actually meet­ing the eye of a large number of lodging-seekers; and though he hastened to withdraw his pipe, and to compose his fea­tures to an air of invitation, he was never rewarded by so much as an inquiry. “Can there,” he thought, “be anything repellent in myself?” But a candid examination in one of the pier-glass­es of the drawing-room led him to dismiss the fear.
Something, however, was amiss. His vast and accurate cal­culations on the fl y-leaves of books, or on the backs of play­bills, appeared to have been an idle sacrifi ce of time. By these, he had variously computed the weekly takings of the house, from sums as modest as fi ve-and-twenty shillings, up to
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the more majestic fi gure of a hundred pounds; and yet, in de­spite of the very elements of arithmetic, here he was making literally nothing.
This incongruity impressed him deeply and occupied his thoughtful leisure on the balcony; and at last it seemed to him that he had detected the error of his method. “This,” he refl ected, “is an age of generous display: the age of the sand­wich-man, of Griffi ths, of Pears’ legendary soap, and of Eno’s fruit salt, which, by sheer brass and notoriety, and the most disgusting pictures I ever remember to have seen, has overlaid that comforter of my childhood, Lamplough’s pyretic saline. Lamplough was genteel, Eno was omnipresent; Lamplough was trite, Eno original and abominably vulgar; and here have I, a man of some pretensions to knowledge of the world, con­tented myself with half a sheet of note-paper, a few cold words which do not directly address the imagination, and the adorn­ment (if adornment it may be called) of four red wafers! Am I, then, to sink with Lamplough, or to soar with Eno? Am I to adopt that modesty which is doubtless becoming in a duke? or to take hold of the red facts of life with the emphasis of the tradesman and the poet?”
Pursuant upon these meditations, he procured several sheets of the very largest size of drawing-paper; and laying forth his paints, proceeded to compose an ensign that might attract the eye, and at the same time, in his own phrase, directly address the imagination of the passenger. Something taking in the way of colour, a good, savoury choice of words, and a real­istic design setting forth the life a lodger might expect to lead within the walls of that palace of delight: these, he perceived,
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must be the elements of his advertisement. It was possible, upon the one hand, to depict the sober pleasures of domestic life, the evening fi re, blond-headed urchins and the hissing urn; but on the other, it was possible (and he almost felt as if it were more suited to his muse) to set forth the charms of an ex­istence somewhat wider in its range or, boldly say, the para­dise of the Mohammedan. So long did the artist waver between these two views, that, before he arrived at a conclusion, he had fi nally conceived and completed both designs. With the pro­verbially tender heart of the parent, he found himself un­able to sacrifi ce either of these offsprings of his art; and decid­ed to expose them on alternate days. “In this way,” he thought, “I shall address myself indifferently to all classes of the world.”
The tossing of a penny decided the only remaining point; and the more imaginative canvas received the suffrages of for­tune, and appeared fi rst in the window of the mansion. It was of a high fancy, the legend eloquently writ, the scheme of colour taking and bold; and but for the imperfection of the artist’s drawing, it might have been taken for a model of its kind. As it was, however, when viewed from his favourite point against the garden railings, and with some touch of distance, it caused a pleasurable rising of the artist’s heart. “I have thrown away,” he ejaculated, “an invaluable motive; and this shall be the sub­ject of my fi rst academy picture.”
The fate of neither of these works was equal to its merit. A crowd would certainly, from time to time, collect before the area-railings; but they came to jeer and not to speculate; and those who pushed their inquiries further, were too plainly animated by the spirit of derision. The racier of the two car-
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toons displayed, indeed, no symptom of attractive merit; and though it had a certain share of that success called scandalous, failed utterly of its effect. On the day, however, of the second appearance of the companion work, a real inquirer did actu­ally present himself before the eyes of Somerset.
This was a gentlemanly man, with some marks of recent merriment, and his voice under inadequate control.
“I beg your pardon,” said he, “but what is the meaning of your extraordinary bill?”
“I beg yours,” returned Somerset hotly. “Its meaning is suffi ciently explicit.” And being now, from dire experience, fearful of ridicule, he was preparing to close the door, when the gentleman thrust his cane into the aperture.
“Not so fast, I beg of you,” said he. “If you really let apart­ments, here is a possible tenant at your door; and nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see the accommoda­tion and to learn your terms.”
His heart joyously beating, Somerset admitted the visitor, showed him over the various apartments, and, with some re­turn of his persuasive eloquence, expounded their attractions. The gentleman was particularly pleased by the elegant pro­portions of the drawing-room.
“This,” he said, “would suit me very well. What, may I ask, would be your terms a week, for this fl oor and the one above it?”
“I was thinking,” returned Somerset, “of a hundred pounds.”
“Surely not,” exclaimed the gentleman.
“Well, then,” returned Somerset, “fi fty.”
The gentleman regarded him with an air of some amaze­ment. “You seem to be strangely elastic in your demands,” said
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he. “What if I were to proceed on your own principle of divi­sion, and offer twenty-fi ve?”
“Done!” cried Somerset; and then, overcome by a sudden embarrassment, “You see,” he added apologetically, “it is all found money for me.”
“Really?” said the stranger, looking at him all the while with growing wonder. “Without extras, then?”
“I – I suppose so,” stammered the keeper of the lodging­house.
“Service included?” pursued the gentleman.
“Service?” cried Somerset. “Do you mean that you expect me to empty your slops?”
The gentleman regarded him with a very friendly inter­est. “My dear fellow,” said he, “if you take my advice, you will give up this business.” And thereupon he resumed his hat and took himself away.
This smarting disappointment produced a strong effect on the artist of the cartoons; and he began with shame to eat up his rosier illusions. First one and then the other of his great works was condemned, withdrawn from exhibition, and rele­gated, as a mere wall-picture, to the decoration of the dining­room. Their place was taken by a replica of the original wa­fered announcement, to which, in particularly large letters, he had added the pithy rubric: “No service.” Meanwhile he had fallen into something as nearly bordering on low spirits as was consistent with his disposition; depressed, at once by the failure of his scheme, the laughable turn of his late inter­view, and the judicial blindness of the public to the merit of the twin cartoons.
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