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THE WAYS OF THE HOUR
men, members of respectable families in town, set the stranger
down for a rustic client; but the working clerk saw at once, by a
certain self – possessed and shrewd manner, that the stranger
was a country practitioner.
In the course of the next half hour, Daniel Lord and
George Wood came out of the sanctum, attended as far as the
door by Dunscomb himself. Exchanging “good morning” with
his professional friends, the last caught a glimpse of his patient visitor, whom he immediately saluted by the somewhat
brief and familiar name of Timms, inviting him instantly, and
with earnestness, to come within the limits of the privileged.
Mr. Timms complied, entering the sanctum with the air of one
who had been there before, and appearing to be in no manner
overcome by the honour he enjoyed. And now, as a faithful
chronicler of events, it is here become our painful, not to say
revolting duty, to record an act on the part of the man who was
known throughout Duke’s county as ‘Squire Timms, which it
will never do to overlook, since it has got to be perfectly distinctive and characteristic of late years, not of an individual, but of
large classes who throng the bar, the desk, the steamboats, the
taverns, the streets. A thousand paragraphs have been written on the subject of American spitting, and not one line, as
we can remember, on the subject of an equally common and
still grosser offence against the minor morals of the country, if
deceney in manners may be thus termed. Our meaning will be
explained more fully in the narrative of the stranger’s immediate movements on entering the sanctum.
“Take a seat, Mr. Timms,” said Dunscomb, motioning to a
chair, while he resumed his own well – cushioned seat, and
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JAMES FENIMORE COOPER
deliberately proceeded to light a segar, not without pressing
several with a species of intelligent tenderness, between his
thumb and finger. “Take a seat, sir; and take a segar.”
Here occurred the great tour de force in manners of ‘Squire
Timms. Considerately turning his person quartering towards
his host, and seizing himself by the nose, much as if he had a
quarrel with that member of his face, he blowed a blast that
sounded sonorously, and which fulfilled all that it promised.
Now a better mannered man than Dunscomb it would not be
easy to find. He was not particularly distinguished for elegance
of deportment, but he was perfectly well – bred. Nevertheless, he did not flinch before this broad hint from vulgarity,
but stood it unmoved. To own the truth, so large has been the
inroad from the base of society, within the last five – and –
twenty years, on the habits of those who once exclusively
dwelt together, that he had got hardened even to this innova-
tion. The fact is not to be concealed, and, as we intend never to
touch upon the subject again, we shall say distinctly that Mr.
Timms blowed his nose with his fingers, and that, in so doing,
he did not innovate one half as much, to – day, on the usages
of the Upper Ten Thousand, as he would have done had he
blowed his nose with his thumb only, a quarter of a century
since.
Dunscomb bore this infliction philosophically; and well he
might, for there was no remedy. Waiting for Timms to use his
handkerchief, which was produced somewhat tardily for such
an operation, he quietly opened the subject of their interview.
“So the grand jury has actually found a bill for murder and
arson, my nephew writes me,” Dunscomb observed, looking
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THE WAYS OF THE HOUR
enquiringly at his companion, as if really anxious for further
intelligence.
“Unanimously, they tell me, Mr. Dunscomb,” answered
Timms. “I understand that only one man hesitated, and he
was brought round before they came into court. That piece of
money damns our case in old Duke’s.”
“Money saves more cases than it damns, Timms; and no
one knows it better than yourself.”
“Very true, sir. Money may defy even the new code. Give
me five hundred dollars, and change the proceedings to a civil
action, and I’ll carry anything in my own county that you’ll put
on the calendar, barring some twenty or thirty jurors I could
name. There are about thirty men in the county that I can do
nothing with for that matter, whom I dare not approach.”
“How the deuce is it, Timms, that you manage your causes
with so much success? for I remember you have given me a
good deal of trouble in suits in which law and fact were both
clearly enough on my side.”
“I suppose those must have been causes in which we
`horse – shedded’ and `pillowed’ a good deal.” “Horse – shedded and pillowed! Those are legal terms of which I have no
knowledge!”
“They are country phrases, sir, and country customs too,
for that matter. A man might practise a long life in town, and
know nothing about them. The Halls of Justice are not immaculate; but they can tell us nothing of horse – shedding
and pillowing. They do business in a way of which we in the
country are just as ignorant as you are of our mode.”
“Have the goodness, Timms, just to explain the meaning of
your terms, which are quite new to me. I will not swear they
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JAMES FENIMORE COOPER
are not in the Code of Practice, but they are in neither Black –
stone nor Kent.”
“Horse – shedding, ‘Squire Dunscomb, explains itself. In
the country, most of the jurors, witnesses, &c., have more or
less to do with the horse – sheds, if it’s only to see that their
beasts are fed. Well, we keep proper talkers there, and it must
be a knotty case, indeed, into which an ingenious hand cannot thrust a doubt or an argument. To be frank with you, I’ve
known three pretty difficult suits summed up under a horse –
shed in one day; and twice as many opened.”
“But how is this done? do you present your arguments di-
rectly, as in court?”
“Lord bless you, no. In court, unless the jury happen to be
unusually excellent, counsel have to pay some little regard to
the testimony and the law; but, in horse – shedding, one has
no need of either. A skilful horse – shedder, for instance, will
talk a party to pieces, and not say a word about the case. That’s
the perfection of the business. It’s against the law, you know,
Mr. Dunscomb, to talk of a case before a juror an indictable
offence but one may make a case of a party’s general character,
of his means, his miserly qualities, or his aristocracy; and it will
be hard to get hold of the talker for any of them qualities. Aristocracy, of late years, is a capital argument, and will suit almost
any state of facts, or any action you can bring. Only persuade
the jury that the plaintiff or defendant fancies himself better
than they are, and the verdict is certain. I got a thousand dollars in the Springer case, solely on that ground. Aristocracy did
it! It is going to do us a great deal of harm in this murder and
arson indictment.”
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THE WAYS OF THE HOUR
“But Mary Monson is no aristocrat she is a stranger, and
unknown. What privileges does she enjoy, to render her obnoxious to the charge of aristocracy?”
“More than will do her any good. Her aristocracy does her
almost as much harm in old Duke’s as the piece of gold. I always consider a cause as half lost, when there is any aristocracy
in it.”
“Aristocracy means exclusive political privileges in the
hands of a few; and it means nothing else. Now, what exclusive
political privileges does this unfortunate young woman enjoy?
She is accused of two of the highest crimes known to the laws;
is indicted, imprisoned, and will be tried.”
“Yes, and by her peers,” said Timms, taking out a very re-
spectable – looking box, and helping himself liberally to a
pinch of cut tobacco. “It’s wonderful, ‘Squire Dunscomb, how
much breadth the peerage possesses in this country! I saw a
trial, a year or two since, in which one of the highest intellects
of the land was one of the parties, and in which a juror asked
the judge to explain the meaning of the word `bereaved.’ That
citizen had his rights referred to his peers, with a vengeance!”
“Yes; the venerable maxim of the common law is, occasion-
ally, a little caricatured among us. This is owing to our adhering
to antiquated opinions after the facts in which they had their
origin have ceased to exist. But, by your manner of treating the
subject, Timms, I infer that you give up the aristocracy.”
“Not at all. Our client will have more risks to run on ac-
count of that, than on account of any other weak spot in her
case. I think we might get along with the piece of gold, as a life
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JAMES FENIMORE COOPER
is in question; but it is not quite so easy to see how we are to get
along with the aristocracy.”
“And this in the face of her imprisonment, solitary condi-
tion, friendless state, and utter dependence on strangers for
her future fate? I see no one feature of aristocracy to reproach
her with.”
“But I see a great many, and so does the neighbourhood.
It is already getting to be the talk of half the county. In short,
all are talking about it, but they who know better. You’ll see,
‘Squire Dunscomb, there are two sorts of aristocracy in the
eyes of most people; your sort, and my sort. Your sort is a state
of society that gives privileges and power to a few, and keeps
it there. That is what I call old – fashioned aristocracy, about
which nobody cares anything in this country. We have no
such aristocrats, I allow, and consequently they don’t signify a
straw.”
“Yet they are the only true aristocrats, after all. But what,
or who are yours.”
“Well now, ‘Squire, you are a sort of aristocrat yourself, in
a certain way. I don’t know how it isI’m admitted to the bar as
well as you have just as many rights”
“More, Timms, if leading jurors by the nose, and horse –
shedding, can be accounted rights.”
“Well, more, in some respects, may be. Notwithstanding all
this, there is a difference between us a difference in our ways,
in our language, in our ideas, our manner of thinking and acting, that sets you up above me in a way I should not like in any
other man. As you did so much for me when a boy, sir, and carried me through to the bar on your shoulders, as it might be,
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THE WAYS OF THE HOUR
I shall always look up to you; though I must say that I do not
always like even your superiority.”
“I should be sorry, Timms, if I ever so far forget my own
great defects, as to parade unfeelingly any little advantages I
may happen to possess over you, or over any other man, in
consequence of the accidents of birth and education.”
“You do not parade them unfeelingly, sir; you do not pa-
rade them at all. Still, they will show themselves; and they are
just the things I do not like to look at. Now, what is true of me,
is true of all my neighbours. We call anything aristocracy that
is a touch above us, let it be what it may. I sometimes think
‘Squire Dunscomb is a sort of an aristocrat in the law! Now, as
for our client, she has a hundred ways with her that are not
the ways of Duke’s, unless you go among the tip – toppers.”
“The Upper Ten”
“Pshaw! I know better than that myself, ‘Squire. Their Up-
per Ten should be upper one, or two, to be common sense.
Rude and untaught as I was until you took me by the hand,
sir, I can tell the difference between those who wear kids, and
ride in their coaches, and those who are fit for either. Our client has none of this, sir; and that it is which surprises me. She
has no Union Place, or Fifth Avenue, about her; but is the true
coin. There is one thing in particular that I’m afraid may do
her harm.”
“It is the true coin which usually passes with the least trou-
ble from hand to hand. But what is this particular source of
uneasiness?”
“Why, the client has a lady – friend”
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JAMES FENIMORE COOPER
A little exclamation from Dunscomb caused the speaker to
pause, while the counsellor removed the segar from his mouth,
knocked off its ashes, and appeared to ponder for a moment,
touching the best manner of treating a somewhat delicate subject. At length, native frankness overcame all scruples, and he
spoke plainly, or as the familiar instructor might be expected
to address a very green pupil.
“If you love me, Timms, never repeat that diabolical phrase
again,” said Dunscomb, looking quite serious, however much
there might have been of affectation in his aspect. “It is even
worse than Hurlgate, which I have told you fifty times I cannot endure. `Lady friend’ is infernally vulgar, and I will not
stand it. You may blow your nose with your fingers, if it give
you especial satisfaction, and you may blow out against aristocracy as much as you please; but you shall not talk to me about
`ladyfriends’ or `Hurlgate.’ I am no dandy, but a respectable
elderly gentleman, who professes to speak English, and who
wishes to be addressed in his own language. Heaven knows
what the country is coming to! There is Webster, to begin with,
cramming a Yankee dialect down our throats for good English;
then comes all the cant of the day, flourishing finical phrases,
and new significations to good old homely words, and changing the very nature of mankind by means of terms. Last of all,
is this infernal Code, in which the ideas are as bad as possible, and the terms still worse. But whom do you mean by your
`lady – friend?”’
“The French lady that has been with our client, now, for a
fortnight. Depend on it, she will do us no good when we are
on. She is too aristocratic altogether.”
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THE WAYS OF THE HOUR
Dunscomb laughed outright. Then he passed a hand across
his brow, and seemed to muse.
“All this is very serious,” he at length replied, “and is re-
ally no laughing matter. A pretty pass are we coming to, if the
administration of the law is to be influenced by such things
as these! The doctrine is openly held that the rich shall not,
ought not to embellish their amusements at a cost that the
poor cannot compass; and here we have a member of the bar
telling us a prisoner shall not have justice because she has a
foreign maidservant!”
“A servant! Call her anything but that, ‘Squire, if you wish
for success! A prisoner accused of capital crimes, with a servant, would be certain to be condemned. Even the court would
hardly stand that.”
“Timms, you are a shrewd, sagacious fellow, and are apt to
laugh in your sleeve at follies of this nature, as I well know
from long acquaintance; and here you insist on one of the
greatest of all the absurdities.”
“Things are changed in Ameriky, Mr. Dunscomb. The peo-
ple are beginning to govern; and when they can’t do it legally, they do it without law. Don’t you see what the papers say
about having operas and play – houses at the people’s prices,
and the right to hiss? There’s Constitution for you! I wonder
what Kent and Blackstone would say to that?”
“Sure enough. They would find some novel features in a
liberty which says a man shall not set the price on the seats in
his own theatre, and that the hissing may be done by an audience in the streets. The facts are, Timms, that all these abuses
about O. P.’s, and controlling other persons’ concerns under
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JAMES FENIMORE COOPER
the pretence that the public has rights where, as a public, it has
no rights at all, come from the reaction of a half – way liberty
in other countries. Here, where the people are really free, having all the power, and where no political right is hereditary,
the people ought, at least, to respect their own ordinances.”
“Do you not consider a theatre a public place, ‘Squire Dun-
scomb?”
“In one sense it is, certainly; but not in the sense that bears
on this pretended power over it. The very circumstance that
the audience pay for their seats, makes it, in law as in fact, a
matter of covenant. As for this newfangled absurdity about its
being a duty to furnish low – priced seats for the poor, where
they may sit and look at pretty women because they cannot
see them elsewhere, it is scarcely worth an argument. If the
rich should demand that the wives and daughters of the poor
should be paraded in the pits and galleries, for their patrician
eyes to feast on, a pretty clamour there would be! If the state
requires cheap theatres, and cheap women, let the state pay for
them, as it does for its other wants; but, if these amusements
are to be the object of private speculations, let private wisdom
control them. I have no respect for one – sided liberty, let it
cant as much as it may.”
“Well, I don’t know, sir; I have read some of these articles,
and they seemed to me” “What convincing?”
“Perhaps not just that, ‘Squire; but very agreeable. I’m not
rich enough to pay for a high place at an opera or a theatre;
and it is pleasant to fancy that a poor feller can get one of the
best seats at half – price. Now, in England, they tell me, the
public won’t stand prices they don’t like.”
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