Setting goals

If you can really define your DPAFU sensations, it’ll help you manage them more effectively. You’ll also need to think about how you’ll know when you feel better and when things have changed. Although this sounds obvious, it’s very important to identify ’benchmarks’ that show how things have changed for you. Often people say that their goal for self-help or treatment is simply to ‘feel better’. But this is very vague and it doesn’t fully explain what it means to feel better. So, you need to be as specific as possible, for example ‘I would like to feel less cut off from things or to feel more real’.

Next you need to consider exactly how you’ll know when this has happened. How will you know when you are feeling ’real’? It’s tempting to believe you’ll just know, but you have to be wary of relying on emotional reasoning (see page 44). And, if you don’t pinpoint as exactly as possible what it means to feel real, you may find that you’ve set yourself an unrealistic goal. Think about these sorts of questions: ‘How will others know I am better?’; ‘What will be different when I feel better?’; ‘What will I be able to do?’; ‘What will I stop doing?’. Because answers to these questions are not always obvious or easy to identify, it’s a good idea to keep a diary over a couple of weeks to help you record your thoughts, feelings, actions, and interpretations. You may want to write your diary when your DPAFU feels particularly intense. Or, if your DPAFU is constant, you may decide to complete the diary at the same time each day, such as in the evening.

By now you should have made a list of each of the problematic sensations you associate with DPAFU. You have learned to rate the different sensations of your DPAFU on a scale of 0–10. You should have also considered the activities DPAFU prevents you from doing and those that it causes you to increase. Once the problem is well-defined, setting the goal for what you would like to achieve with this book is much easier.

Try to make your goals as SMART as possible:

 

•   Specific (so you know exactly what the goal is).

•   Measurable (so you can measure change).

•   Achievable (so you don’t set yourself up to fail).

•   Realistic (so that it is within your capabilities or possibilities).

•   Time limited (so that it does not go on indefinitely).

When you break a problem down into smaller units things appear more manageable. Keeping records of how you feel early on in the process also provides you with the evidence of how things are changing for you over time.

On a scale of 0–10 rate where you are now and where you would like to be. Where you would like to be will become part of your goals. You can devise your own scale, but be sure to use the same scale throughout these exercises. It is common to use low numbers to denote negatives and high numbers to reflect positives. Don’t automatically go for 10 as your final goal. Instead try to be realistic, and settle on a number that would be ‘good enough’. Think about how much of an issue the specific problem actually is for you. Sometimes we have to learn to accept experiences or sensations that we would rather not have, and so we ‘manage’ rather than ’cure’ them. Think too about the impact the sensations or symptoms associated with DPAFU have on your everyday life. Identify those activities that you would like to do more of and those you would like to stop avoiding.

So using the blank table opposite (Table 6.6) fill out each box as it applies to you. We’ve included a completed example (Table 6.5) to help you think about the way in which you can complete the boxes. The object of this exercise is to define each of the components that make up DPAFU for you and see how they impact upon your life currently. Next you need to consider your target or goal for change. Defining each component of the overall problem allows you to decide which aspect you would like to work on first. As the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

Here’s an example of how the completed boxes may look. Remember there are no right or wrong answers. The aim of this exercise is to help you to identify areas that you wish to change.

When you fill in the boxes, it’ll become clear that there are things you can begin to change. Using Table 6.5, one of the goals might be to stop pinching yourself irrespective of how you are feeling. This doesn’t provide proof of who you are, but instead reinforces your belief that something is wrong. Usually the activities you increase or avoid because of the DPAFU will also help the DPAFU feelings continue. Goals such as stopping pinching yourself are a starting point, but they can still be made SMARTer.

Here are some of the most common reasons for finding these exercises difficult:

 

•   Goals are far too big and unrealistic.

•   Goals are not specific enough. For instance, a goal to go out more needs to be more clearly defined. It’s best to be as specific as possible, i.e. go out twice a week for two hours, once to the pub and once to the cinema.

•   There is no form of measurement at the beginning from which to monitor change.

•   Goals are too easy to achieve and so aren’t a challenge.

•   There’s no time frame, which can sometimes lead to a feeling of drifting along so you may lose a sense of direction. This can in turn reduce your motivation and self-discipline.

Before we move on to the next section, have a think about the following question: when is a problem not a problem? The answer is: when you say so! People vary in the ways they perceive problems in life. If you feel ‘a bit odd’ but still go to work, and then go out with friends in the evening, then feeling a bit odd does not stop you from leading a normal day-to-day life. In this instance, feeling odd is not a problem. But if when you feel a bit odd you take the day off work, stay in bed and worry about the way you feel, it becomes a problem. This is especially so if it happens often, or if you believe the odd feeling is the result of something you’ve done (like take a drug), or if it appeared to come out of the blue and you spent time trying to figure out why it happened. In each of these situations, you would begin to experience the sensations as problematic. It’s always worth having another think about each of the sensations you’ve defined as being problematic. At this stage you may want to redefine the different levels at which DPAFU affects you, what exactly each problem stops you from doing, and how it operates.