II. Relax!

1. Try to pronounce the following tongue-twister.

Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter's bitter. If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better. So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter, put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better. So 'twas better Betty Botter bought some better butter.

2. Read and try to understand the following jokes.

It only made matters worse

a. A husband said to his friend: «My wife doesn't allow me to sleep. She is afraid of thieves; she wakes me up if she hears the slightest noise, and makes me get up to see if there are burglars in the house».

«You can easily get over that difficulty. Just explain to your wife that thieves don't make any noise; they work quietly and don't disturb anybody». «I've already done that, old man, but it only made matters worse. Now she gets me up several times every night because she hears nothing».

b. «Have you anything to say for yourself before I pass the sentence?» the judge said to the pickpocket. «What good have you ever done for mankind?» «Well, Your Honour», said the prisoner, «I've kept four or five detectives working regularly and I've helped several reporters, prison guards, and you keep their jobs».

c. A barber went to a lawyer for advice. «What shall I do», he asked «to a boy who threw a stone in one of my windows and broke a pane?» «You may make his father pay for it», answered the lawyer. «Then», said the barber, «I want six shillings from you, sir, for it was your son who did it». «And if you hand me over four shillings», said the lawyer, «we shall be quits, for my fee is half a pound

3. Try to read the tongue-twister as fast as you can:

Whether the weather be fine

or whether the weather be not,

whether the weather be cold

or whether the weather be hot,

we'll weather the weather

whatever the weather,

whether we like it or not

4. Read the text and answer the questions. The monkey detective

A merchant goes to Calcutta on some business. He takes with him a large sum of money and some valuable jewels. A monkey, of which he is very fond, also travels with him. Some thieves decide to attack and to rob the merchant. On a lonely part of the road they catch him, murder him and take his things. Then they throw the body into a dry well, cover it over with leaves and go away. All this time the monkey is watching them from the tree.

When the murderers are out of sight, the monkey goes to the magistrate's house and is crying and moaning and finally makes the magistrate follow him to the well. The magistrate brings some men with him, and one of them goes down into the well where the body of the murdered man is found. The monkey then leads them to the bazaars, and as soon as he sees one of the murderers he runs at him and bites him in the leg. The magistrate's servants come and seize the man. In this way all the murderers are detected by the monkey. They are all caught and punished accordingly.

Answer the following questions on the text:

1. What does the merchant take with him?

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2. What is the monkey doing when the thieves attack the merchant?

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3. Where does the monkey lead the magistrate with his men?

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Note: You must work hard at your English if you want to master the language. It will be very useful in your future career!

Remember: A man is so many times a man as the number of foreign languages he knows.