Aggressiveness and Argumentativeness

Verbal Aggressiveness

Verbal aggressiveness is an unproductive conflict strategy in which one person tries to win an argment by inflicting psychological pain, by attacking the other person's self-concept.

Argumentativeness

Contrary to popular belief, argumentativeness is a quality to be cultivated rather than avoided. The term argumentativeness in this context refers to your willingness to argue for a point of view, your tendency to speak your mind on significant issues. It's the mode of dealing with disagreements that is the preferred alternative to verbal aggressiveness.

Generally, people who are high in argumentativeness have a strong tendency to state their position on controversial issues and to argue against the positions of others. A highly argumentative individual sees debate as exciting and intellectually challenging – as an opportunity to win a kind of contest.

The person who is low in argumentativeness tries to prevent arguments. This person experiences satisfaction not from arguing but from avoiding arguments. The low argumentative sees arguing as unpleasant and unsatisfying. Not surprisingly, this person has little confidence in his or her ability to argue effectively.

Men generally score higher in argumentativeness (and in verbal aggressiveness) than women. Men are also more apt to be perceived (by both men and women) as more argumentative and more verbally aggressive than women.

Both high and low argumentatives may experience communication difficulties.The high argumentative, for example, may argue needlessly, too often, and too forcefully. The low argumentative may avoid taking a stand even when it seems necessary.

Here are some suggestions for cultivating argumentativeness and for preventing it from degenerating into aggressiveness:

■ Treat disagreements as objectively as possible; avoid assuming that because someone takes issue with your position or your interpretation, they're attacking you as a person.

■ Avoid attacking a person rather than a person's arguments. Even if this would give you a short-term tactical advantage, it will probably backfire at some later time and make your relationship or group participation more difficult. Center your arguments on issues, not personalities.

■ Reaffirm the other person's sense of competence; compliment the other

person as appropriate.

■ Avoid interrupting; allow the other person to state her or his position fully

before you respond.

■ Stress equality, and stress the similarities that you have with the other person

or persons; stress your areas of agreement before attacking the disagreements.

■ Express interest in the other person's position, attitude, and point of view.

• Avoid presenting your arguments too emotionally; using an overly loud voice or interjecting vulgar expressions will prove offensive and eventually ineffective.

• Allow people to save face; never humiliate another person.