Conflict Styles

Conflict that identifies five basic styles or ways of engaging in conflict and is especially helpful in relation to interpersonal and small group conflicts. The five-styles model, plotted along the dimensions of "concern for oneself" and "concern for the other person," provides considerable insight into the ways people engage in conflict and some of the advantages and disadvantages of each approach. As you read through these styles, try to identify the conflict style you generally use as well as the styles of those with whom you have close relationships.

• Competing: The competitive style reflects great concern for your own needs and desires and little for those of others. As long as your needs are met, the conflict has been dealt with successfully In conflict motivated by competitiveness, you'd be likely to be verbally aggressive while blaming the other person. This style represents an I win, you lose philosophy.

• Avoiding: The avoider fails to address his or her own or the other's needs or desires. This person avoids any real communication about the problem, changes the topic when the problem comes up, and generally withdraws from the scene both psychologically and physically. As you can appreciate, this style does little to resolve any conflicts and may be viewed as an I lose, you lose philosophy

Figure 8.1.

Five Conflict Styles

This figure is adapted from Blake and Mouton's (1984) approach to managerial leadership and conflict. Try to locate your usual conflict style on this grid. How well does this style work for you?

■ Accommodating: In accommodating you sacrifice your own needs for the needs of the other person. Your major purpose is to maintain harmony and peace in the relationship or group. This style may help you achieve the immediate goal of maintaining peace and perhaps may satisfy the other person; but it does little to meet your own needs, which are unlikely to go away This style represents an I lose, you win philosophy.

■ Collaborating: In collaborating you focus on both your own and the other person's needs. This style, often considered the ideal, takes time and a willingness to communicate, and especially a readiness to listen to the perspectives and needs of the other person. Ideally, this style of conflict resolution results in each person's needs being satisfied, an I win, you win situation.

■ Compromising: The compromising style is in the middle; there is some concern for your own needs and some concern for the other's needs. It's the kind of strategy you might refer to as "meeting each other halfway," "horse trading," or "give and take." Compromising is likely to help you maintain peace but to involve some dissatisfaction over the inevitable losses that have to be endured. It results in an I win and lose and you win and lose outcome.

Conflict Management Skills

In managing conflict you can choose from a variety of strategies, which this section will describe. Realize, however, that the strategies you choose will be influenced by several different factors, including (1) the goals to be achieved, (2) your emotional state, (3) your cognitive assessment of the situation, (4) your personality and communication competence, and (5) your culture and gender. Understanding these factors may help you select more appropriate and more effective strategies. And recent research finds that using productive conflict strategies can have lots of beneficial effects – whereas using inappropriate strategies may be linked to poorer psychological health.

The goals (short-term and long-term) you wish to achieve will influence what strategies seem appropriate to you. If all you want is to salvage today's date, you may want to simply give in and ignore the difficulty. In contrast, if you want to build a long-term relationship, you may want to analyze the cause of the problem and look for strategies that will enable both parties to win.

Your emotional state will influence your strategies. You're unlikely to select the same strategies when you're sad as when you're angry. You'll turn to different strategies if you're seeking to apologize than you would use if you were looking for revenge.

Your cognitive assessment of the situation will exert powerful influence. For example, your attitudes and beliefs about what is fair and equitable will affect your readiness to acknowledge the fairness in the other person's position. Your own assessment of who (if anyone) is the cause of the problem also will influence your conflict style. You may also assess the likely effects of potential strategies. For example, what do you risk if you fight with your boss by using blame or personal rejection? Do you risk alienating your teenager if you use force?

Your personality and level of communication competence will influence the way you engage in conflict. For example, if you're shy and unassertive, you may be more likely to want to avoid a conflict than to fight actively If you're extroverted and have a strong desire to state your position, then you may be more likely to fight actively and to argue forcefully.

Your culture and gender also will influence your strategies. As noted earlier, many Asian cultures emphasize the importance of saving face; consequently, Asians are less likely to use conflict strategies such as blame and personal rejection, as these are likely to result in a loss of face. People from cultures that look favorably on open conflict may be more apt to use argumentativeness and to fight actively Students from collectivist cultures prefer mediation and bargaining as conflict resolution strategies, whereas students from individualist cultures prefer a more adversarial and confrontational conflict style. Asian women are expected to be exceptionally polite, especially when in public conflict with men. In the United States, although conflict equality may be verbalized, many people expect women to be more polite and to pursue conflict is a nonargumentative way, whereas men are expected to argue forcefully and logically.

Win-Lose and Win-Win Strategies

If you look at interpersonal and small group conflict in terms of winning and losing, you'll see that there are four potential outcomes: (1) A wins, B loses; (2) A loses, B wins; (3) A loses, B loses; and (4) A wins, B wins.

In managing conflict you have a choice and can seek to achieve any one of those combinations of winning and losing. You can look for solutions in which one person or one side wins (usually you or your side) and the other person or other side loses: win-lose solutions. Or you can look for solutions in which both you and the other person or side win: win-win solutions.

Obviously, win-win solutions are the most desirable. Perhaps the most important reason is that win-win solutions lead to mutual satisfaction and prevent the resentment that win-lose solutions often engender. Looking for and developing win-win solutions makes the next conflict less unpleasant; the participants can more easily view conflict as "solving a problem" rather than as "fighting." Still another advantage is that win-win solutions promote mutual face-saving: Both parties can feel good about themselves. Also, people are more likely to abide by the decisions reached in a win-win conflict than they are in win-lose or lose-lose situations. For all these reasons, win-win solutions are worth seeking whenever possible.