Some Negatives of Conflict

Conflict often leads to increased negative regard for the opponent; when this opponent is someone you love or work with on a daily basis, it can create serious problems for the relationship. One reason is that many conflicts involve unfair fighting methods that aim largely to hurt the other person. When one person hurts the other, increased negative feelings are inevitable; even the strongest relationship has limits.

Conflict frequently leads to a depletion of energy better spent on other areas. This is especially true in the small group context; days and even weeks of 10 or 12 people's time can be wasted on conflicts instead of being devoted to solving the problem at hand.

At times conflict leads you to close yourself off from the other people involved. In an intimate relationship, for example, you may hide your true self on the theory that it would not be to your advantage to reveal your weaknesses to your "enemy" But at the same time, closing yourself off may also prevent meaningful communication from taking place. One possible consequence is that one or both parties may seek intimacy elsewhere. This often leads to further conflict, mutual hurt, and resentment – all of which can add heavily to the costs carried by the relationship. As these costs increase, exchanging rewards may become difficult, perhaps impossible. The result is a situation in which the costs increase and the rewards decrease – a situation that often results in relationship deterioration and eventual dissolution.

Some Positives of Conflict

The major value of interpersonal and small group conflict is that it forces you to examine a problem and work toward a potential solution. If people use productive conflict strategies, the relationship or group may well emerge from the encounter stronger, healthier, and more satisfying than before.

Conflict enables each of you to state what you want and – if the conflict is resolved effectively – perhaps to get it. In fact, a better understanding of each other's feelings has been found to be one of the main results of the "first big fight". Conflict also prevents hostilities and resentments from festering.

Types of Conflict

Conflict can occur in many situations and may be of varied types. Especially important to understand are the differences between (1) content and relationship conflicts, (2) online and workplace conflicts, and (3) the various conflict styles that individuals have.

Content and Relationship Conflicts

We may distinguish between content conflict and relationship conflict. Content conflicts center on objects, events, and persons in the world that are usually, but not always, external to the parties involved in the conflict. These include the millions of issues that you argue and fight about every day – the value of a particular movie, what to watch on television, the fairness of the last examination or job promotion, the way to spend your savings.

Relationship conflicts are equally numerous and include such conflict situations as a younger brother who does not obey his older brother, group members who all want the final say in what the group decides, and the mother and daughter who each want to have the final word concerning the daughter's lifestyle. Here the conflicts are concerned not so much with some external object as with the relationships between the individuals – with such issues as who is in charge, how equal the partners in a primary relationship are, the importance of each group member, or who has the right to set down rules of behavior.

Content conflicts are usually manifest; they're clearly observable and identifiable. Relationship conflicts are often latent; they tend to be hidden and much more difficult to identify. Thus, a conflict over where you should vacation may on the surface, or manifest, level center on the advantages and disadvantages of Mexico versus Hawaii. On a relationship and often latent level, however, the conflict may be about who has the greater right to select the place to vacation, who should win the argument, who is the decision maker in the relationship, and so on.