The Embarrassment Rule

In fact, the only rule one can identify with any certainty in all this confusion over introductions and greetings is

that, to be impeccably English, one must perform these rituals badly. One must appear self-conscious, ill-atease,

stiff, awkward and, above all, embarrassed. Smoothness, glibness and confidence are inappropriate and un-

English. Hesitation, dithering and ineptness are, surprising as it may seem, correct behaviour. Introductions

should be performed as hurriedly as possible, but also with maximum inefficiency. If disclosed at all, names must

be mumbled; hands should be tentatively half-proffered and then clumsily withdrawn; the approved greeting is

something like ‘Er, how, um, plstm-, er, hello?’

If you are socially skilled, or come from a country where these matters are handled in a more reasonable,

straightforward manner (such as anywhere else on the planet), you may need a bit of practice to achieve the

required degree of embarrassed, stilted incompetence.

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF THE RUSSIAN CONVERSATION CODES? DO YOU THINK THE ABOVEMENTIONED RULES ARE TYPICALLY BRITISH OR COULD ANY OF THEM BE APPLIED AND ACCEPTED FOR COMMUNICATION NEEDS IN RUSSIA?

HERE ARE SOME SAMPLE DIALOGUES TO ASSESS FROM THE STANDPOINT OF THE DEGREE OF FORMALITY AND THEIR BRITISH/AMERICAN FLAVOUR. ACT THEM OUT IN PAIRS PAYING SPECIAL ATTENTION TO PHONETIC MEANS. DISCUSS THEM WITH YOUR TEACHER.

1.ROBERT: Mr. Caldwell, I’d like you to meet my mother.

MR. CALDWELL: Mrs. Rienzo, I’m pleased to meet you.

MRS. RIENZO: Robert enjoys your class very much.

MR. CALDWELL: Thank you. I enjoy having him in class.

MRS. RIENZO: It was very nice meeting you.

MR. CALDWELL: Same here. Good –bye.

2.TIM: John, I’d like you to meet my friend, Joan Sullivan. Joan, this is John Tracey.

JOAN (shaking hands with John): It’s nice to meet you.

NOTICE THAT THE PERSON DOING THE INTRODUCTION PROVIDES A LITTLE INFO ABOUT THE PERSON THAT IS BEING INTRODUCED. THIS MIGHT SERVE AS A CONVERSATION STARTER FOR THE PEOPLE INTRODUCED.

3. TOM: Mr. O’Malley, I’d like you to meet my friend, Maria Carlos. She is an exchange student from Spain and is majoring in computer science.

MR. O’MALLEY: I’m glad to meet you. I hope you’ve been able to get the courses you want. Computer technologies are so popular.

MARIA: Yes, thank you, I have. Fortunately there are many courses to choose from. Well, I have to go to class now. I certainly enjoyed meeting you.

MR. O’MALLEY: I hope we’ll meet again. Good-bye.

MARIA: Good-bye.

3. JAMES: (at a party where he doesn’t know anyone) Hallo (Hi), my name is James Jones.

ANNA: Hi, I’m Anna Wells. It’s nice to meet you.

JAMES: Do you know any people here? I don’t know a single person!

ANNA: Really? Let me introduce you to some of my friends. I’d like you to meet Mary Kempe. She goes to East High school and is a real sports enthusiast.

JAMES: Nice to meet you. What sports are you interested in?

MARY: Running and jogging…

СONCLUDE THE CONVERSATION

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW AMERICANS OR BRITONS GREET EACH OTHER AND COMPARE THEIR CUSTOMS WITH THE WAYS IN THIS COUNTRY.

• Who makes the introduction? (either the person who wishes to meet another or a friend who knows the other person)

• Who should be introduced to whom? (A woman to a man; a younger person to an older one; a subordinate to a superior)

• What should you say?

• May a person introduce himself to a woman? May a woman introduce herself to a man?

• What body language should a person use?

• What tone of voice should one use?

• Should you shake hands?

• Do people embrace or kiss people of the same sex upon meeting? Does one kiss or hug children when introduced?

MAKE UP A WHAT YOU THINK MODEL DIALOGUE ILLUSTRATING THE RULES OF INTRODUCTION AND ENGLISH WEATHER SPEAK AND ACT IT OUT WITH YOUR GROUPMATE(S)

SOME INFO ABOUT HAND GESTURES, body language, etc.

Non-Verbal contact involves everything from something as obvious as eye contact and facial expressions to more discrete forms of expression such as the use of space. Experts have labelled the term Kinesics to mean communicating through body movement. Huseman, author of Business Communication, explains that the two most prominent ways of communication through Kinesics is eye contact and facial expressions. Eye contact, Huseman goes on to explain, is the key factor in setting the tone between two individuals and greatly differs in meaning between cultures. In the Americas and Western Europe eye contact is interpreted the same way, conveying interest and honesty. People who avoid eye contact when speaking are viewed in a negative light, withholding information and lacking in general confidence. However, in the Middle East, Africa, and especially Asia eye contact is seen as disrespectful and even challenging of one’s authority. People who make eye contact, but only briefly, are seen as respectful and courteous. Facial expressions are their own language by comparison, and universal throughout all cultures. Dale Leathers, for example, states that facial expression can communicate ten basic classes of meaning. The final part to Non-Verbal communication lies in our gestures, and can be broken down into five subcategories; Emblems, Illustrators, Regulators, Affect Displays, and Adaptors. Emblems and Illustrators are the easiest to communicate since Emblems refer to sign language (such as the “Thumbs Up” which is one of the most recognized symbols in the world) and Illustrators mimic what we speak (such as gesturing how much time is left by holding up a certain amount of fingers). Regulators act as a way of conveying meaning through gestures (raising up one’s hand for instance indicates that one has a certain question about what was just said) and become more complicated since the same regulator can have different meanings across different cultures (making a circle with ones hand for instance in the Americas means O.K but in Japan the gesture is symbolic for money, and in France conveys the notion of worthlessness). The last two, Affect Displays and Adaptors, are the two the individual has very little to no control over. Affect Displays reveal emotions such as happiness (through a smile) or sadness (mouth trembling, tears) where Adaptors are more subtle such as a yawn or clenching fists in anger. The last Non-Verbal type of communication deals with communication through the space around us, or Proxemics. Huseman goes on to explain that Hall identifies three types of space; Feature-Fixed Space, Semifixed Feature Space and Informal Space. Feature-Fixed space deals with how cultures arrange their space on a large scale, such as buildings and parks. Semifixed Feature Space deals with how we arrange our space inside said buildings, such as the placement of our desks, chairs and plants. Informal space is the space that we place importance on. Talking distance, how close people sit to one another and office space are all examples.

DISTANCE AND SPACE REQUIREMENTS

People from different cultures have different space requirements. For example, South Americans and Middle Easterners stand closer when they talk or sit together than North Americans (let alone Britons!) or Asians.

In the US people need to have greater distances between them physically than people in many other cultures. Although Americans are often more affectionate and more likely to touch people they know, they have a need for privacy, especially in the presence of strangers. For example, when Americans enter a bus, doctor’s office or waiting room, they sit at least one chair away from the nearest person if possible.

Conversation distance with superiors or those they don’t know well is about 3 to 4 feet. However intimate conversations may be held as close as 1.5 feet apart. Because Americans feel uncomfortable if someone stands closer, they will instinctively move away. Should this happen, don’t be offended – your listener is merely stepping back to his or her conversational distance.

COMPARING AND SHARING

Here is a chart outlining how Americans greet each other. Compare these customs with the most habitual ways in this country. Demonstrate the body language you would use.

Action	In the USA	In Russia
1.Who makes the introductions?	Either the person who wishes to introduce another or a friend who knows the other person
2.Who should be introduced to whom?	A woman to a man; a younger person to an older person; a subordinate to a superior.
3. What should you say?	Hello, my name is … Mary Smith, I’ like you to meet my friend … Dr. Raman, this is my associate, Professor Allen.
4. May a man introduce himself to a woman? A woman to a man?	Yes; yes.
5. What body language should a person use?	Smile, face the person, and look attentively in his eye.
6. Tone of voice to be used	Quiet and friendly.
7. Does one shake hands when meeting someone?	Men always shake hands; if a woman extends her hand shaking is appropriate.
8. Do people embrace or kiss people of the same sex upon meeting? Does one kiss or hug children when introduced?	No, unless they are close friends. Men never kiss each other unless they are relations or very close friends. No.

NOW YOU DO IT (моделирование ситуаций)

There are quite a few topics you might discuss after introductions, greetings, etc. Your choices could include:

 The country you or the other person(s) come from (What is it like? How do the two countries compare?)

 The school ( subjects you specialize in, future careers, etc,)

 The work that the other person is engaged in (if they are willing to go into detail –see K. Fox)

 Family matters

 Current events, etc.

There are however some offensive subjects that you should not talk about, especially with someone you don’t know well:

1. How much money one has or makes

2. How much one paid for the dress, shoes, tie they have on

3. Sexual subjects

4. Class status or racial issues

5. The person’s age and weight

6. Religious beliefs

PRIVACY RULES. ENGLISH GOSSIP (OR IS IT RATHER SMALL TALK?)

After the introductions people usually speak about topics of general interest – the weather, local events, work, school, etc. Topics of general interest may be just as well called small talk: things like that can be easily discussed between strangers and can serve as conversation starters.

MODEL DIALOGUES (phonetics included)

The subject of gossiping is widely discussed in “Watching the English” – with the focus on the gender aspect of the problem as well as privacy and its importance in English culture.

Read the chapter from K.Fox’s book and do the following assignments:

1.How does the author define gossip? Would you rather accept this definition or suggest you own?

2.Concentrate upon the concept of PRIVACY, for it is one of the core ones for understanding Englishness. Which Russian equivalent would you suggest as the most appropriate? (уединение, частная жизнь)

THE RULES OF ENGLISH GOSSIP

Following the customary awkward introductions and uncomfortable greetings, and a bit of ice-breaking weatherspeak, we move on to other forms of grooming-talk. (‘One must speak a little, you know,’ as Elizabeth said to Darcy, ‘It would look odd to be entirely silent.’)

Strangers may stick to The Weather and other relatively neutral topics almost indefinitely (although actually

The Weather is the only topic that is entirely safe – all other subjects are potentially ‘dangerous’, at least in

some situations, and all carry at least some restrictions as to when, where and with whom they may be raised).

But the most common form of grooming-talk among friends, in England as elsewhere, is gossip. The English are

certainly a nation of gossips. Recent studies in this country have shown that about two-thirds of our

conversation time is entirely devoted to social topics such as who is doing what with whom; who is ‘in’, who is

‘out’ and why; how to deal with difficult social situations; the behaviour and relationships of friends, family and

celebrities; our own problems with family, friends, lovers, colleagues and neighbours; the minutiae of everyday

social life – in a word: gossip.14