Be an Encourager – Be Enthusiastic

I was married to a woman who among her many diverse talents was the world champion encourager. She was able to put a positive twist on every situation – good or bad. If there was criticism it was always preceded by a compliment. I can still hear her say to the children as they were departing for an assignment, job interview or just school, “Be enthusiastic!”

This testimony has been a guiding light for me all these adult years. Maybe it was natural to me but was certainly amplified by Ruth’s example. It is a lot more constructive to compliment and encourage than be a negative influence. After a disappointment or failure who wants to hear, “you should have done it this way.” There may be time for constructive criticism, but a little positive reinforcement is called for after an event. Of course, the encouragement must be a little realistic. After a football player has failed to catch three touchdown passes, it is incongruous to say, “That was a nice 10 yard pass you caught.”

Enthusiasm can be contagious. People enjoy following a positive leader and an ardor for the work, company, project, aim, etc. People respond to people especially those with an enthusiastic approach to the task and future. Also, generally associates, employees, etc. usually react more positively to compliments than criticisms. I once had a boss who was just the antithesis of this principle. If you were successful in a project, he said nothing, but if I failed, the criticism was loud and harsh. Thankfully most management techniques emphasize positive reinforcement.

Learn to Reach Out - to Engage Others

When a young person, high school or college age, is unable to begin a conversation or introduce themselves it hinders their social activities. When the same hesitancy is present in adults it is unfortunate. Yet, I observe this situation many times in many situations. Being able to engage others in conversation is something that can be learned. I know.

People often comment that I seem to be able to walk up to anyone and initiate a conversation or when meeting people for the first time I am able to engage in conversation. It is a matter of giving attention to the person and ascertains something interesting about them that can form the basis of a comment or question.

Before I entered the banking business, I, too, had difficulty meeting people. I didn’t know what to say. When forced to talk about the weather you may have lost the opportunity to have a meaningful encounter. In the course of my daily activity I met customers, employees, prospective customers, acquaintances, and people for the first-time.

Finding something to say was a learning process, trial and error, but I because of my position I was forced into many conversations with friends and people I just met. Over the years I learned to reach out.

The key element is to have confidence in yourself. This will give you more courage to introduce yourself and make comments that a timid, or a doubting person would not make. Also, the banking business taught one about a variety of businesses and financial situations, so after an initial introduction, I can usually find some common thread to mention. Another help, is to be observant of the person and the surroundings. Is there something about him or his clothing that one can safely comment? Often the situation opens a door. Perhaps a friend is introducing you and that opens a wide area to initiate “small talk”.

But the most interesting is to reach out to a total stranger because you may meet some very engaging people. While standing in line at a restaurant, or sitting next to someone at a baseball game or waiting at a doctor’s office it is fun to make a comment and see what happens. Don’t expect success all the time because some people will reject any overtures, but if there is a response you may learn something new and perhaps encourage someone.

I am making these comments in dealing with men and talking to men. With women a different set of rules apply and I won’t elaborate except to say with my white hair and my age I find many taboos are avoided. However, there are enough man to man and woman to woman situations to explore and enjoy.