Watching

Watching is paying attention to nonverbal clues — body language. Kinesics is the term used to refer to the study of nonverbal com­munication in human interaction. Our emotions and motives are frequently displayed in our nonverbal behavior. Motives in this re­gard are our expectancies of pleasantness or unpleasantness. The activation of expectancies moves us into action — behaviors. Feel­ings, or emotions, also move us to actions. Smiling, frowning, and crying are obvious examples. Some of these physical actions are au­tomatic. That is, often we do not consciously decide to take the ac­tion or we are unaware of the action.

It is often possible to obtain information from observing body language. It is also important to recognize what your body language may be signaling to the other person—your counterpart. You may need to guard against unintended communication. Some words of caution are in order, however. There are cultural differences in body movement and comportment, and people do have habits and idio­syncrasies that may not have the meanings typically applicable to those behaviors. In addition, individuals knowledgeable in kinesics may purposely attempt to convey a message through body lan­guage. A person can control many actions and expressions that would otherwise convey their emotions; however, it is usually not possible to control for all of the available clues. Nevertheless, in a case of purposive body language, the conclusion you draw from the behavior may not be appropriate to the situation.

Therefore, in order not to be misled, the primary things to watch for in the behavior of others are two: (1) body language that con­flicts with the verbal message being conveyed and (2) changes in behavior relative to the situation or the person being observed. In watching the behavior of others, your overall guide should be to lis­ten to your inner feelings. Your subconscious reading of the non­verbal clues will usually be accurate. With those words of caution and suggested use in mind, certain elements of body language, along with their typical meaning, are provided in the next section. Drawings depicting some of this language are also presented.

Body Language

Anxiety and/or anger can be shown by tone of voice, tension in the facial muscles, clenched teeth, clasping objects, dilated pupils, gen­eral body activity rather than stillness, stiff posture, perspiration, short glances, or averted stares.

Facial expressions convey pleasure, anxiety, and relief and are generally easier to control than gross body movements. However, look for the inappropriate smile while explaining a problem. For ex­ample, a verbal message explaining a problem and requesting help may be accompanied by a subconsciously generated smile that in­dicates no real concern for resolution.

Eyebrows can signal surprise or puzzlement. The mouth can signal pleasure or displeasure.

While a single head nod indicates permission for the other to continue talking, multiple head nods indicate a desire to speak. It may also provide a flag that the person is no longer listening to you and, rather, being focused on what he or she wants to say.

A person looks more at people he or she likes than at those he or she dislikes. However, intense staring can be used to intimidate and can be aggressive.

Bright light behind an individual can create power for them. If you are seated in front of the desk of someone whose back is to a bright window, the physical arrangement creates a power imbal­ance in favor of the person behind the desk.

Height differences create power differentials. The unaided dif­ference in height of the individuals creates a differential. The phys­ical arrangement, such as variation in chair height, can create such differential. The drawings in Exhibit 6-1 demonstrate effects of ver­tical space differentials.

Shifty eyes usually do not indicate dishonesty. Usually, they in­dicate submissiveness or unwillingness to address an issue. Look­ing off to the left while telling a story, however, may indicate deception. Remember that creativity comes from the right side of the brain—the same side that controls the left side of the body!

Rapid or excessive eye blinking may indicate that the person is uncomfortable, exaggerating, tense, lying, or very alert.

Rubbing eyes often indicates that the person is not accepting what has been explained or presented. This can be a clue to the need for more explanation or persuasion.

Using the hands to substantially cover the face may indicate nonacceptance or a reaction to behavior interpreted as aggressive

Placing the hands over the mouth while speaking may indicate fear of acceptance, or it may indicate deception in what is being said.

A significant change in activity, such as substantial reduction in general body movement or an obvious attempt to make and hold eye contact after generally not having had significant eye contact, may indicate deception. It may also be an intimidation ploy.

Body movements that are inconsistent with the spoken word may indicate deception. For example, shaking your head "No" while saying "Yes" is likely to indicate either deception or noncommitment.

Stroking the chin or placing the knuckles under the chin indi­cates interest. The chin resting in the palm indicates boredom. While touching the bridge of the nose is a sign of concentration, stroking the nose may be a sign of exaggeration or lying. (It may also be a response to an itch!)

When a man brings his hands to his chest, it usually indicates openness and sincerity. When a woman brings her hands to her chest, it usually indicates shock.

The wringing or twisting of hands indicates substantial frustra­tion. Steepling the fingers conveys confidence. The meaning of other arm and hand positions varies with the direction to which the palm faces relative to the other person. Crossed arms or crossed legs with a closed body position indi­cate a closed or defensive attitude.