Interpersonal Factors in Mate Selection

There are still other factors that reduce our potential field of eligible mates but have personal value for us. Those factors that motivate us to choose one partner over another in order to gain emotional satisfaction, good feelings, or self-esteem are physical attractiveness, similarity, and romantic love.

Physical Attractiveness

Physical attractiveness appears to be a major factor in the initial stages of interaction but decreases in importance as individuals get to know one another. People assume, men more than women, that by associating with physically attractive people they will be perceived more favorably themselves. Furthermore, people tend to attribute other desired qualities to a physically attractive person. For example, if a person is good-looking, it is assumed that he/she must also be nice, intelligent, and capable.

Similarity

People are attracted to and are more likely to marry others who are similar to them in attitudes, age, social class, race, ethnicity, and other personal characteristics. In more formal terms, this is referred to as the theory of homogamy. Similarity, especially with regard to attitudes, figures largely in selecting a mate because people who are like us reinforce our own attitudes and world views, and consequently, they give us feedback that what we think and feel is correct. We seek out similar people for another reason - since they are like us, they will probably like us in return.

Romantic Love

People also select marriage partners for emotional reasons. As a cultural trait, romantic love is found primarily in the Western industrial countries. To most Americans, romantic love is a natural prerequisite to marriage, but this value is by no means universally shared. Romantic love is functional in that it helps young people cut the ties to their families and provides the newly married couple with the affection and emotional support that they once received from their own families.

Theories of Mate Selection

The previous paragraphs have described factors that influence with whom we come into contact, to whom we are attracted, and whom we may choose as a marital partner. Process theorists assume that there is no one factor that determines whom we select as a mate, but instead, the process is influenced by many structural, cultural, and interpersonal factors. We screen persons, and based on certain disqualifications, we eliminate them from our pool of eligible mates. This filtering process occurs until a mate is chosen. There are, however, theories that attempt to explain mate selection in terms of one specific factor or process rather than as a combination of many factors.

Social Exchange Theory

Social exchange theory describes mate selection as a process where the individual "shops" for the right partner, similar to shopping for the right computer or refrigerator. Each of us has certain assets and liabilities to bring to a relationship. We choose partners based on what we have to offer and what they are able to give in return. According to social exchange theory, we desire an equal exchange in "goods."

Equity Theory

A variation of social exchange theory, equity theory emphasizes fairness in this mate selection comparison. We select partners who give us the same relative value as we give them. An equal exchange is not what is desired, but rather a perceived fair exchange. For example, a beautiful woman who goes out with an unattractive doctor may view the relationship as fair because she brings to it her beauty and in exchange receives a partner who is likely to make a lot of money. Equity theory holds that when an individual feels that he/she is giving more proportionately than he/she is receiving, or vice versa, this individual will not feel comfortable with the relationship, and therefore, it may not last.

Other Theories

Other theories that have attempted to explain the mate selection process include Winch's complementary needs theory, where individuals choose partners that complement their personality needs; and psychodynamic theory, which states that individuals choose partners who satisfy emotional needs stemming from early familial and childhood experiences.