Chapter 5

KIM STOPPED OUTSIDE the door to Jess's office. She looked down at the tray with two cups of coffee and a pastry that she had picked up on her way to work. Struck by the memory of all the times she had used this gesture as a segue to asking a woman out on a date, she reminded herself of the promises she had made to herself after the fiasco with Anna. You can do this. It's just a cup of coffee between colleagues. You promised yourself things would be different this time.

In the past, Kim had made the mistake of jumping into bed with a woman before getting to know her very well. And lived to regret it. That had certainly been the case with Anna. If she had known how closeted Anna was, she would never have gotten involved with her.

Conflicting emotions buffeted Kim. She had thought a lot about Jess over the weekend. That was the problem. She knew it was too soon to be thinking about becoming involved with someone. That didn't stop her attraction toward Jess. Try being her friend and forget about it becoming anything else. That would be a real first for you. She grimaced. That was too true. Kim couldn't remember that last time she had pursued a friendship with a woman for the sake of friendship alone and not as a prelude to sleeping with her. You condemned Mom for jumping from lover to lover, and now you've become just like her. That realization stung.

Kim jumped, startled out of her inner monologue by the sudden opening of Jess's office door.

Jess managed to grab the tray Kim was holding before she dropped it. She seemed surprised to find Kim standing outside her door. She handed the tray back to her. "What can I do for you?" Jess asked. She remained standing in the doorway of her office and made no move to invite Kim inside.

"Would it be okay if we went inside?" Kim asked, gesturing toward the office. For a moment, Kim thought she was going to refuse, but then Jess stepped back and motioned her into the room.

Kim set the tray on Jess's desk. She picked up one of the cups and held it out to Jess. "I brought you coffee and a muffin. I wanted to say thanks for letting me use your office."

Jess moved over toward her desk, but made no attempt to take the cup from Kim. "You didn't need to do that."

Kim could see how uncomfortable Jess looked. "I know, but I wanted to. Cream with no sugar... right?" Kim said as she offered the cup to Jess again.

Jess's eyes went wide, then she nodded. She reached out and somewhat reluctantly took the cup. "Um... thanks," Jess said as she sat the cup down on her desk.

"You're very welcome." Kim smiled warmly hoping to ease some of the tension she could see on Jess's face and body language. "There's also a great chocolate muffin in the bag." She held out the bag to Jess, who took it even more reluctantly than she had the coffee. "I ended up eating mine on the way in. Anything chocolate never lasts very long around me," Kim said with a sheepish laugh.

Kim's discomfort level rose when Jess didn't respond. She was beginning to regret coming to Jess's office. The few minutes of easy interaction on Friday when Jess seemed to relax and open up a little bit had disappeared. Kim sighed. A wave of disappointment washed over her. Okay, this friend thing may be harder than I thought. Just because you want to be friends doesn't mean Jess is going to let you. You've seen how she is with her staff. "Well, I'm sorry to have disturbed you. I'll be in psych if anyone needs me."

"Wait... Kim," Jess said.

Kim had almost reached the door when Jess's voice stopped her. She turned back toward Jess and raised her eyebrow in question.

Jess took the second cup of coffee from the tray and held it out to Kim. "Don't forget your coffee."

Kim had lost all interest in the coffee she had hoped to share with Jess, but took the offered cup anyway. She met Jess's gaze and was puzzled by what she thought was a bit of regret in her eyes.

"I um..." Jess cleared her throat. "I was just getting ready to head to the resident's morning conference. The lecture today is on evaluating the emergency room schizophrenic patient. I was wondering if you'd be interested in attending?"

"Sure. I'd be glad to go." Relief washed over Kim. Maybe I didn't screw up. In retrospect, she realized that she should have known that her offering would make Jess ill at ease. She had never seen her share so much as a cup of coffee or have a conversation that wasn't work related with anyone. "Which one of the psychiatrists is lecturing?"

Jess glanced down and shuffled her feet. "I'm giving the lecture. I've asked Dr. Alerman several times for someone from psych to participate in a lecture series covering ER psychiatric issues." She shrugged. "No one has been willing to take it on. Dr. Alerman presented a series of lectures last year, but he said he didn't have time this year."

Anger surged through Kim. What were you thinking Philip? The ER doesn't need a person to liaison with from psych. It needs the psych department staff to get off their collective asses and do their damn jobs. Kim pushed aside the unproductive emotion. "If you give me a list of the topics you'd like covered, I could create a series of lectures and present them."

"I wasn't trying to foist the conferences off on you," Jess said.

"I know you're not." Kim grimaced to herself at Jess's choice of words. She would bet anything someone from psych had accused Jess of doing just that — foisting the ER conferences on psych. "I'm volunteering to give the lectures. I enjoy teaching residents. The last place I worked had a psychiatric residency. I miss presenting resident conferences since there's no psych program here. I've got quite a few lectures ready that I used with psych residents. I could tailor a number of them to apply to the needs of the ER residents."

Jess stared at Kim for a moment, clearly shocked by the offer. For the first time since she had opened her office door, Jess actually smiled. "If you're sure..." At Kim's nod she continued, "I really appreciate you doing this." Jess glanced at her watch. "We need to get to the conference. I'll work out the schedule with you later."

"Okay. Sounds good." Kim smiled when Jess picked up the cup of coffee from her desk before heading for the door.

Jess gathered up her charts at the nurses' station. She planned on heading for her office to get some paperwork done before the rapidly approaching end of shift. The doors to the ambulance entrance of the ER banged open. Jess looked up in time to see two police officers enter. A slender, red-haired female officer was accompanied by a large, burly male officer. She was holding what appeared to be a small child wrapped in a jacket. All Jess could see was matted hair at the top and a tiny pair of sneakers sticking out of the bottom of the coat.

Jess dropped her charts back on the counter and strode over to the officers. "What've you got?"

The woman officer pulled back the jacket revealing a small, dark haired little girl. "We found her locked in a basement storage unit of an apartment building," she said. "Tenant of the building called it in. He heard what he thought was an animal crying when he went in to get his bike from his locker. When he spotted her, he immediately called 911. We're not sure how long she's been there. Guy said he didn't hear anything the last time he was in his locker, which was two weeks ago. We cut the lock and got her out of there."

Jess gazed at the little girl, but resisted the urge to reach out and take her into her arms. Oh, little one, what happened to you? Her hair and clothes were filthy. Jess couldn't see her face. Her little face was buried in the officer's jacket. "Have you located her parents, Officer...?"

"Williams. We're still looking for them. According to the neighbors, no one has seen the mother for the past week. Boyfriend was around for the first couple of days after the mom left, but not for the last three days. None of the neighbors remember seeing Tara, that's the little girl's name, for the last week. But according to one of the women we spoke with that's not uncommon. Her mom doesn't take her out of the apartment very often." Williams shook her head, her anger plainly written on her face. "She's filthy, but didn't have any obvious injuries that we could see. She wasn't even crying when we found her. She did scream when one of the officers picked her up, but she hasn't made a sound since."

Jess's anger soared at the thought of the girl's uncaring parents. What the hell kind of sick person could do this to an innocent child? She had seen some terrible things perpetrated on children during her time in the ER, but she never got used to it. Jess pushed her anger aside. Her focus now was Tara. "All right. It's an emergency so I can treat her without parental consent. Let's get her into an exam room."

As Jess turned she spotted Kim standing close by. She was glad that she was still in the ER so late in the day. Jess beckoned her over. "You heard the history?" At Kim's nod she continued, "I'd like you to observe while I check out her physical condition. See what you can pick up from her reactions. Afterward, you can do a full assessment if necessary."

"All right. I would recommend you keep the number of people present to a minimum. Just being exposed to a large group of strangers is stressful for a child this young. She doesn't need that in addition to whatever else she has already been through," Kim said.

"Fine. Let's go," Jess said. She motioned for Officer Williams to follow her.

Maggie, one of the admitting nurses, ran up to the group. "Dr. McKenna, there are a bunch of reporters in the waiting room asking questions. They're blocking access to the admitting desk and won't leave."

Jess scowled. Great. Just what we need. "How many are there?"

"I'm not sure how many people there are but two different camera crews are filming," Maggie said.

Jess glanced at the other officer's nametag. "Officer Johnson, how about rounding up the people from the media and getting them out of my waiting room? They're interfering with patient care."

The officer smiled at Jess and rubbed his hands together. "Gladly, Doc. Where do you want them?"

Jess resisted the temptation to tell him exactly where she'd like them to go. She realized her thoughts must have shown on her face when both officers and Kim chuckled. Jess shook her head and forced her professional persona back into place. "Maggie, show Officer Johnson where Conference Room C is. If it's not empty, clear it out. Inform the rest of the staff what's happening. I don't want any reporters sneaking into the ER proper."

Jess turned her attention to Officer Johnson. "I'd appreciate it if you'd escort the press to the conference room and then make sure they stay there. You're welcome to use the room if someone from your department wants to make a statement to the press. I'll update Officer Williams on Tara's condition once I finish my exam."

"Thanks, Doc," Johnson said before turning to follow Maggie.

"Now that all that's settled, let's get this little girl checked out," Jess said. She headed toward an exam room with Kim and Officer Williams on her heels.

"Go ahead and set her down," Jess said motioning toward the gurney.

Kim moved to the head of the gurney. She wanted to be close enough to offer the little girl comfort and emotional support while Jess did her physical exam.

Tara didn't react in any way when the officer followed Jess’s instructions.

Jess moved to the opposite side of the stretcher. "Officer, please wait outside while I complete my exam."

"If you can get her to talk I really need to hear anything she can tell us. I tried to connect with her on the way over here, but she wouldn't even look at me."

Jess nodded. "I understand that, but my main concern right now is to make sure she's not injured and assess her physical and mental condition." Jess looked down at the little girl. She was huddled in the oversize jacket with her head resting on her knees. She had yet to make a sound or even move. "Once I'm finished you can come back in."

"All right. I'll go check on how Johnson is doing with the reporters," Officer Williams said. "Let me know when you're done."

"I'll have one of the nurses come get you." Jess waited until the door had closed behind the officer. She met Kim's eyes over Tara's head. "I want a detailed accounting of what I find as we go. But, I'd rather not have another person in the room. You mind taking notes?" she asked.

"No problem." Kim accepted the loose chart pages Jess offered. She watched with interest as Jess's expression softened when she leaned down to be more on Tara's level.

"Hey, Tara. I'm Dr. Jess. I'm going to take care of you... okay?"

A slight tremor rippled through the little girl's body but no other response.

Jess tried again. "Tara, please look at me." Jess sighed. Tara gave no indication that she had even heard her request.

"Want me to try?" Kim knew Jess needed to do her exam regardless of the little girl's lack of response.

Jess shook her head. "Let me try again." Jess grasped the edge of the coat Tara had wrapped around her. "Tara... I'm just going to take this coat off... okay?" She waited a moment for a response. "Okay, here we go," Jess said while she carefully opened the coat. She removed it from around her shoulders and let it drop to lay on the gurney under Tara. "There we go."

Kim had witnessed how conscientious and compassionate Jess was with patients, but this was the first time she had seen her interact with such a young child. Kim was struck by Jess's gentle, tender manner with the little girl. It showed a whole other side of her.

"That's better." Jess slowly and carefully placed her hand on Tara's T-shirt clad shoulder.

Kim tensed waiting for Tara's reaction. The little girl flinched at the first touch, but offered no other response. Kim met Jess's eyes and they shared a relieved look. "So far, so good," Kim said low-voiced.

Jess began to slowly rub her hand up and down Tara's back. "Come on, little one. Please look at me."

Ah... that got a reaction. "Jess," Kim said softly. When Jess looked up she leaned over a bit and spoke quietly, "Use 'little one' again. She reacted to that."

Jess nodded in understanding. "Hey, little one." Jess glanced up at Kim and smiled. She had seen the reaction this time. The little girl's gaze had flickered toward her for just a second. "Come on, little one, please look at me." Jess's smile widened when Tara met her eyes and held them. "That's a good girl." She continued to gently stroke the girl's back.

Kim's tension eased. This was going better than she had hoped. While she understood the child needed to be examined she did not want to add to her trauma while doing so. She was impressed. Jess was being so calm and patient with Tara. She knew it was especially difficult dealing with injured children in the ER. Then again some people are just lousy with kids — period. Anna immediately came to mind. She never saw children in the ER if she could possibly avoid it. Kim's attention was brought back to business when Jess began to speak to Tara again.

"Now we need to make sure you're okay." Jess placed a hand gently on Tara's bent knees. "Can you sit up straight for me?" When she didn't get a response, Jess lifted the hand she had resting on the little girl's knees and gently brushed her filthy, matted hair away from her face. "Come on, sweet girl —"

With an inarticulate cry, Tara launched herself at Jess.

NO! Kim lunged for Tara but missed her.

Tara slammed against Jess's chest.

Jess staggered back a step. Her arms whipped up and gripped the little girl tightly to her chest.

Kim took a shaky breath. She looked over at Jess. Tara was clinging to her for dear life. Her heart was still pounding from Tara's scream and precipitous leap from the gurney. She moved around the end of the gurney. As she got close to Jess she was assaulted by the pungent smell of urine. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Jess said. "But I'm not so sure about Tara."

Surprise rippled through Kim at the tremor in Jess's voice. She had never seen her anything but calm, cool and collected, even after a major trauma.

"What triggered that I wonder?" Jess shifted Tara slightly in her arms. The little girl had her face buried in Jess's neck and was crying brokenly.

"She seemed to react to you using, 'sweet girl' maybe it's what her mother or someone important to her calls her. It told her you were someone safe." Kim reached out and gently stroked Tara's back. "Letting her emotions out is actually the best thing for her. I was pretty worried about her being so unresponsive."

"It's okay, little one. You're safe here." Jess moved over and leaned against the gurney. She rocked Tara in her arms for several minutes, murmuring softly to her the whole time.

Kim's heart filled with warmth at Jess's caring treatment of the little girl. Tara was filthy and stank of urine, but none of that appeared to matter to Jess as she held her tenderly in her strong, comforting embrace. When Jess looked up, Kim saw for the first time beneath the mask Jess wore at work. The open, emotion-filled look in her eyes was compelling. Oh, Jess. In the blink of an eye it was gone, and Kim was once more faced with the ER chief she was coming to know.

"I still need to examine her," Jess said. She looked down at the little girl. She had fallen asleep in her arms. "Poor little thing. She must have been exhausted." Jess turned to place Tara on the gurney, then appeared to change her mind. "I don't want to take a chance of waking her. How about you sit on the gurney and hold her while I do the exam?"

"Good idea. That'll work." Kim moved over and levered herself up onto the gurney.

Jess started to hand over Tara, then hesitated. "You need to get a gown. She's a mess."

Kim looked down at the pale purple shirt she was wearing, then up at what used to be a stark white lab coat that Jess had on. Tara stirred restlessly in Jess's arms. Kim didn't even think twice. She held out her arms. "It's okay. Give her to me. I'd rather not take the chance of waking her, until it's absolutely necessary."

She would have done it regardless, but the smile Jess gave her made it worth whatever happened to her clothes. Kim cuddled the little girl tenderly in her arms. She smiled back at Jess as they worked together to provide the care Tara needed.

Jess dropped her paperwork on her desk. Bypassing the desk chair, she crossed the small room and flopped down onto the sofa that took up most of the back wall of her office. Although it had not been physically demanding or even require any great skill, taking care of Tara had been taxing. Jess worked to remain emotionally detached from her patients. It was what made her good at her job. In the case of children, she always had an especially hard time, they were totally defenseless. She scrubbed her hands over her face. You've got work to do if you ever want to get out of here tonight.

Pushing up from the sofa, she headed for her desk only to be interrupted by a knock on the door. Now what? Thankfully, the last of the press had left shortly after the social worker picked up Tara. Jess had already turned over the department to the next shift. With a disgruntled grumble, she jerked open the door to her office. "What?" she asked before the door even opened fully.

"Hi," Kim said a bit tentatively.

Jess immediately regretted her sharp tone. She was glad for the chance to make up for her earlier behavior. She was remorseful for her reaction this morning when Kim brought her coffee and a muffin. At the time, her defenses had instantly gone up as her thoughts immediately turned to her ex, Myra. She had wondered what Kim's motive was behind the offering. After she'd had a chance to think about it, Jess realized how unfair she had been. She was just being nice. Not everyone is out to get close to you, then humiliate you. Refusing to give into the bad memories associated with Myra, Jess focused on Kim. "Come on in, Kim." She smiled warmly.

"Thanks, Jess."

Her tension dissipated when Kim smiled in return. Re-entering her office, she resisted the urge to retreat behind her desk. It was an ingrained reaction to help distance herself from people. Let her in. You know you want to.

Jess leaned against the edge of her desk. The silk blouse and tailored slacks Kim had been wearing earlier had been replaced by scrubs. The dark blue scrubs set off her blond hair and made her blue eyes more vivid than usual. God she's beautiful. Jess sighed to herself. And it's a lot more than skin deep. Jess's heart had melted watching Kim's tender treatment of Tara. "I hope your clothes aren't a total loss. I know that case was a bit above and beyond the call for a psych consult."

Kim moved toward Jess, and leaned on the opposite end of her desk. "Don't worry about it. That's what they make dry cleaners for. I'm relieved you didn't find anything more serious than mild dehydration. After seeing her filthy condition, I was pretty worried about what else you might uncover."

"Me too. You were really great with her."

"Thanks, Jess. I think we did a good job with her." Kim smiled. "We make a good team."

An unaccustomed blush stained Jess's face at the praise. "Thanks. And yes, we do." A bit uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation, Jess moved back to more solid ground. "Well, I should get back to work if I ever want to get out of here," she said gesturing to the charts on her desk.

"Okay. I just came in to let you know I spoke to the woman from child protective services before she left with Tara. They're going to bring in a child psychologist to do a more comprehensive evaluation than I could here in the ER. I asked her to give me a call and let me know how Tara is doing."

Renewed anger surged through Jess at the thought of the little girl, alone among strangers, and scared. You can't protect them all. Jess wasn't sure she wanted to know about Tara. She saw too many hurt and abused children in the ER. Worrying about the fate of each and every one of them would tear her apart. "Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Have a good night."

"You too, Jess. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night, Kim."

Jess stared at the door long after Kim had departed. A sense of loneliness she rarely acknowledged filled her. The scary part was that the few moments she had just spent with Kim had brightened her whole day and lifted that loneliness if only for a few minutes.