Chapter Fourteen

Abby relented and let Clancy go home for clothes after work, but she made her take the Lexus. "I don't want to have my neighbors see your truck going in and out of my garage," she explained. "They won't even register that I'm not driving the Lexus."

"Okay, if you're sure," Clancy said.

"I am. Now hurry back here so we can have dinner and go to sleep in air-conditioned comfort."

Later that night, Clancy stayed outside and supervised the dogs as they made their final visit of the evening to the doggie bathroom. When they'd finished, the trio went upstairs, and Clancy spotted Abby emerging from the room at the end of the hall, carrying her toothbrush. She looked sheepish, and her eyes dropped a little, landing somewhere around Clancy's stomach. "I, uhm … I thought we'd be more comfortable in the guest room," she finally muttered, brushing past Clancy on her way to the room.

Following her into the room they'd slept in every time they'd been together, Clancy approached her from behind and settled her arms around her waist. "It's fine, Abby. I don't think I'd be too crazy about sleeping in the room you and Will shared, either."

Turning in her loose embrace, Abby searched Clancy's gray eyes and asked, "Are you sure you don't mind? I wouldn't hurt your feelings for the world, Clancy, but I'm afraid that I couldn't relax …"

"Come on." Clancy grasped her hand and led her back down the hallway. When they reached the door, she said, "Show me your room."

Abby nodded and opened the door, smiling when the dogs raced past her and leapt onto the bed, waiting for her to join them. "They think it's their room."

Clancy looked around the large, warm, inviting space and smiled at Abby. "Now this looks like you." She noticed the plethora of framed photos, mementos of trips, and a number of dog toys lying on the floor next to a very large, seemingly brand new, dog bed. "It's nice in here." She gazed at the pictures of Abby and Will, an abbreviated chronicle of their entire married life. One picture in particular caught her eye. A significantly darker-haired Abby had her hands laced behind Will's neck, and his hands were on her waist. They were kissing, and both were smiling widely while their lips touched. Abby was elegantly dressed in a sexy, black, sequined dress, and Will looked dashing in a well-tailored tuxedo. They looked very happy to be in each other's arms, and very comfortable with each other physically.

"That was our tenth anniversary," Abby said. "My parents threw a lovely party for us. Our twentieth would've been the next big one, but we weren't going to make a big deal out of it. We thought we'd have a real blow-out for our twenty-fifth." She let out a wistful sigh that said more than any further comment could have.

Clancy ran her finger around the edge of the frame, contemplating the picture for a few moments. "I'm so glad that you had this. It makes me feel warm all over to know that you were so in love for such a long time."

"I was," she said, her voice very soft. She stared, unblinking, at the picture that Clancy held in her hands. Clancy stood very still, watching the emotions flicker across her lover's face. Finally, Abby's eyes closed and she said, "I still am in love with him. His death didn't change my feelings. Our relationship will always be the same. And he'll always be exactly as he was the day he died." She gazed at Clancy with watery eyes and said, "I'll catch him and pass him - he'll always be forty-nine - still grousing about the big fiftieth birthday party I was planning for him." She wrapped her arms around Clancy and cried softly, her body shuddering as the smaller woman held her tightly. "I miss him so much," she murmured. "But it helps … it really helps more than you'll ever know that you let me talk about him and how I feel about him." She drew back and wiped her eyes and said, "People get tired of hearing you talk about your dead husband. If you don't suck it up and act like nothing happened, they stop inviting you places. A lot of people avoid me to this day. Seeing me reminds them of Will, and they don't want to think about the fact that he's gone."

"You don't ever have to censor yourself around me," Clancy promised. "I'm very, very interested in how you feel - how you've dealt with this - how you've managed to go on." She held her lover at arm's length and looked deeply into her eyes. "I mean that."

"Thanks." Abby shook her head and brushed her hair from her eyes. "I've been thinking about him so much these days. I'm sure that's partly because of … us," she added softly. "I'm sure it'll pass soon."

"I know it's hard for you, but don't feel like you have to bottle things up on my account. It's hard for me to see you in pain, but it's the only way to get it out."

"I know. Lord, I know. My grief counselor told me that so many times that I have it imprinted on my brain. I guess I thought that over time I'd get the feelings out, and they wouldn't jump up and bite me at the most inopportune moments."

"Give it time. This'll settle down." She looked at Abby contemplatively for a moment and said, "Why don't I keep my things in the guest room and use that bathroom? You keep your toothbrush here. That way we can both have a little space. I don't want you to change your routine."

"Okay," Abby said, sharing a wan smile with the younger woman. "That would be really nice."

Clancy tucked an arm around Abby's trim waist and said, "Let's go to bed." As they left the room, the dogs blew past them, and Clancy closed the door firmly, hoping to leave the memories behind them - for at least one night.

Abby sat on the bed smiling as she watched Clancy put her clothes into the empty dresser. "Do you get a discount when you buy six pairs of the same shorts?"

"These," Clancy said, shaking a pair at her, "are the world's most perfect shorts. Six pockets, wide belt loops, rubber buttons on the fly, quick drying nylon/cotton blend, roomy in the crotch. And they come in five colors."

"Clancy, those are five very slight variations on the same color," Abby said.

"No way. These are radically different colors. I've got brown, tan, green, beige and chalk."

Abby shook her head and walked over to the dresser. "You've got khaki times five. Luckily, they look adorable on you."

"I make up for my monochromatic wardrobe by having very, very colorful socks and underwear," Clancy maintained. "Wanna see?"

Abby peeked into the drawer where Clancy had neatly laid out her things. "Well, that is certainly a riot of color," she said. Clancy, indeed, had some of the most colorful panties that Abby had ever seen. No two pair were alike, and each one was louder than the next. Stripes, polka dots, plaids, zigzag, tie-dyed and animal prints vied for supremacy in the drawer. Abby's eyes moved from the panties to the wild socks, and she commented, "I'm going to have to put on my sunglasses to do your laundry."

Clancy looked up at her and gave her a gentle hug. "You don't have to do my laundry. I'm very self-sufficient."

"I want to," Abby insisted. "You work hard all day. When you're finished, I don't want you to have to worry about anything. Let me take care of you for a little while. Please?"

Clancy looked at her and said, "I would've thought you had someone doing that kind of thing for you. Why don't you have any help?"

"We never have." Abby lay down, letting out a tired sigh when her body relaxed against the mattress. "When we were newlyweds, we discussed how we wanted to spend our money. We'd already decided that I probably wouldn't work after I graduated - since we wanted to have children right away. Will sat down with his little spreadsheet and showed me how much it would cost to have someone clean the house every week. Then he projected that out over one year, two years, and so on. We decided that we'd rather save that money and use it for our vacation fund - so that both of us could enjoy it. That money took us to Europe three times," she said, smiling warmly. "Even later, when we could easily afford it, it seemed like a waste of money. It took me a while to learn how to cook and clean, but now I think of my household tasks as my job - and I like my job."

"Abby, if you want to add my grimy clothes to your job description, I'll gladly accept your offer."

"I do," she said. "I want to spoil you a little while you're here."

When Clancy had finished unpacking, she walked over to the closed door. "Do you normally let the dogs sleep with you?"

"Yes, but it won't kill them to sleep in the hall for a while."

"Can we let them back in?" Clancy asked. "I hate to throw them out of their home."

"If that would make you happy, feel free." Clancy opened the door, and the elated pair flew into the room, sliding across the bed to bang into Abby. "Come here, you," the laughing woman called, crooking a finger at Clancy.

Impetuously, Clancy ran across the room and jumped onto the bed, sliding just as the dogs had. When she banged into Abby, the older woman wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her tight. "You are the sweetest woman I've ever had the pleasure to know."

"Doggies need love, too," Clancy reminded her.

"Yes, they do. It'll be interesting to see how they react to our being … intimate."

"Well, maybe a little time in the hall won't kill 'em," Clancy said, chuckling softly. "Although tonight, I'd love to wrap my arms around you and go to sleep."

"So soon?" Abby asked. "You already want to sleep instead of make love? Which one of us is fifteen years older?"

"I've been telling you that you have more energy than I do. I wasn't kidding! But cuddling can be nice too, can't it?" Clancy lay down and opened her arms. Abby gladly snuggled into her warm embrace, laying her head upon her chest.

"This is very, very nice," Abby murmured.

"It is," Clancy said. The dogs dug and pulled at the covers for a moment, then they both settled down, Athena against Clancy's thighs, Artemis snuggled tightly against Abby's shins. "Blissful," the blonde purred as sleep captured her.

The soft trill of an alarm woke Abby at 6:00, and she opened her eyes just enough to try to find its source. Her eyes finally landed on the dresser, where Clancy's watch lay next to her wallet. It didn't seem like the device was going to stop on its own, so she lifted Clancy's sleep-heavy arm and leg from her body and slipped out of bed as stealthily as possible. Turning off the insistent little alarm, she turned to go back to bed for a few minutes, but when her eyes landed on Clancy's sleeping form, she stopped abruptly and gazed at her for a few long minutes.

The blonde was wearing just a goldenrod-yellow tank top, and the bright color complimented her golden skin perfectly. Her hair was attractively mussed with several of the longer strands covering her eyes. Pink lips were slightly open, revealing just the edges of her white, even teeth. Both dogs were curled up against her back, their limbs so entwined that only their coat textures differentiated them. The trio looked so sweet and peaceful in their little nest, and Abby thought rather gratefully how seamlessly Clancy was able to fit into her life. The pups are always friendly, she thought, but they only show this kind of trust and affection with really good people. There wouldn't be a problem in the world if it were just me and the dogs - but it's not. We have to make sure the kids can accept this. Shaking her head to dispel the intrusive thoughts, Abby let Clancy's peaceful countenance soothe her for a minute, letting her eyes linger on her lovely face.

Her affectionate feelings were mingled with a sexually charged magnetic pull that demanded she stop watching her lover sleep and join her. As she slid into bed, Clancy automatically molded her body to hers, drawing her leg up to drape over Abby's hip. The older woman's hand wandered down the muscular back, tracing some of the more defined muscles through the cotton, then lingering upon the bare, smooth globes of her ass. Somebody needs to wake up, she thought decisively, feeling an unmistakable throb between her legs. Her fingers tickled between Clancy's soft cheeks, and she felt her start to move against her. Slipping forward a few inches, she flicked her fingers back and forth, drawing a gentle purr from Clancy's waking body. Suddenly, a warm, wet mouth was attached to her neck, and the purr grew louder. Oh, it's gonna be a good day, Abby thought as a tingle of sensation skittered down her spine.

After her very pleasant wake-up call, Clancy haphazardly maneuvered Abby into the shower, banging into walls and doors as they kissed hungrily. She spent as much time washing all of Abby's nooks and crannies as she did performing her own ablutions, but she wasn't complaining in the least. She had her pressed up against the tile, Abby's cheek resting on the warm surface while Clancy rubbed up against her slick back. "I think someone is definitely a morning person," Clancy purred into her ear.

"Mmm-hmm," Abby moaned sensually. "It's my favorite time." She turned and draped her arms around Clancy's neck and said, "We got into the habit when the kids were little. We were always too tired at the end of the day to even think about being sexual - but if we got up early enough, the kids never disturbed us. Believe me, that's a requirement for good sex. Nothing ruins a mood faster than hearing, 'Mommy! Mommy!' when your partner is sucking on your nipples. Do you like mornings, too?" She dipped her head and offered Clancy a slow, probing kiss.

"Uhm … what was the question?" the younger woman asked, a confused look on her face.

"Never mind," Abby grinned, bending to suck a rigid nipple into her mouth. "You've already answered my question once, and you're about to answer it again."

Clancy poked her head into the house in the late afternoon to ask Abby to come out and see what they'd accomplished. "The guys are just packing up for the week. Let's go sit outside so I can impress you with all of the details of our accomplishments."

She pointed at the refrigerator, and Abby took her cue and pulled out a beer for the landscaper, smiling at Clancy's nod. After a few minutes of the detailed description of nearly every shovel of earth that had been turned, they sat down on the teak settee and enjoyed the late afternoon breeze. "So, Dad's crew is finished for the time being. My guys will come back on Monday - or as soon as the boulders are delivered. We'll get them in and fill all the soil back into the trenches. Then we can test the system. We're really moving now."

Clancy put her arm along the settee's back, and Abby wrinkled her nose and sniffed a few times. "I like the way you smell when you've been working all day."

Clancy sniffed herself ostentatiously and looked at Abby skeptically. "You're joking, right?"

"No. Not at all. I'm used to how men smell when they sweat, and I've got to tell you - you are a very welcome change. You have a definite scent, but it's earthy and musky - not unpleasant in the least."

"Well, thanks," Clancy said. "I'm very attracted to the way you smell, too. Maybe that's part of the chemistry, huh?"

"Perhaps," Abby agreed. "Did you have a good day? I mean, I'm impressed with what you've accomplished of course, but did you enjoy yourself?"

"I did. Things went well all around today." Reaching for Abby's hand, she ran her thumb all around the soft skin of her palm. "Are things settling down a little for you now? You seem pretty happy." She was looking at her tentatively, and Abby squeezed her hand and nodded.

"I'm feeling great. Really content."

"Uhm … I know you're not crazy about talking about things until they've jelled in your mind, but I keep thinking that the other shoe is about to drop, and it's scaring me."

"Other shoe?" Abby stared at her blankly. "Clancy, I don't have a clue what you're talking about."

Clancy shook her head in frustration, knowing that she wasn't expressing herself very well. "Okay. Here's the deal. When we're together - like now - things seem totally natural between us … like we've known each other for years."

Abby nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"But sometimes, I'm out here working, and I get struck by a real sense of panic." She gazed at Abby thoughtfully and said, "I'm afraid that it's going to hit you, and you're going to freak - ya know?"

"Freak?"

"Yes. Freak." Clancy was further frustrated, and her furrowed brow showed it. "About having lesbian sex ... Damn, Abby, I don't see how you can just start having lesbian sex and not have it affect you at all!"

"Well, how should I react?" she asked. "I've never been in this position before."

"That's my point! I've never slept with a straight woman, and all I've heard are horror stories. I'm really worried that you're going to have second thoughts."

"Oh. Ohh! You think that I'll wake up from my sensual haze and decide that this is wrong, wrong, wrong!"

"Well, yeah," Clancy said, her eyes searching Abby's face. "I really don't want that to happen, and if we can avoid it by talking about this -"

"Oh, Clancy," she murmured, taking the smaller woman in her arms. "Don't spend your time worrying about things like that." Pulling away, she placed soft kisses all over Clancy's face, grimacing when she pulled away. "Dirt," she said, wiping at her tongue.

"Always a hazard with me."

Abby ruffled her hair a little and said, "Small price to pay." She gave Clancy a smile that she hoped would be reassuring and said, "Let me tell you a few things - about me and about my circumstances." She took in a breath and began. "I only have so much energy. About half of my energy is dealing with my guilt."

Clancy nodded and patted her gently. "I assumed you'd have feelings like that, even though you haven't talked about them much."

"Yeah. Just because I don't talk about my feelings a lot doesn't mean I don't have 'em." She leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on Clancy's cheek. "I don't feel guilty about having sex or being sexual with a woman. My guilt is focused on the fact that I'm going on - I'm being loved and touched again - and Will's still dead. He'll never get to experience pleasure like we've been enjoying, Clancy. That makes me so sad." She wiped at the tears that seemed to always lurk just underneath the surface and smiled sadly. "I wish he were here, Clancy, but then I wouldn't have this with you." She leaned forward and kissed her tenderly. "I'm so enjoying sharing this with you."

"I am, too," Clancy murmured, adding a few kisses of her own.

"We're agreed then," Abby smiled. "Now, like I said, half of my energy is going towards dealing with those feelings. The other half is focused on worrying about how my kids will handle this - especially Hayley. They're both open-minded, but having a friend who's gay is one thing …"

Clancy saw the teasing sparkle in her eyes and tenderly kissed the soft lids. "That's probably a pretty unique circumstance," she agreed.

"So - half of my mind is on Will, and the other half is on my kids. What I've decided to do is let myself have this time - without letting either of those worries ruin this for us." She scooted around a little so she was facing Clancy. "I haven't had a hell of a lot of fun in the last few years. I deserve this - and I'm going to take it. When Hayley comes home, we're going to have our plates full trying to decide what to do about this - but until then, I want to enjoy you in every way."

"I can do that," Clancy promised. She tried to swallow her worry, but it was still evident in the lines on her face.

"I don't mean that in a selfish way," Abby insisted. "But I guess it is selfish. I want to put those worries away, and I can do that. But if you can't … I want you to tell me."

"I … I think I can."

"You don't look very certain," Abby said, trying to ease the lines that had formed between her lover's brows.

"I'm not," the younger woman admitted. "I'm worried about what's gonna happen. What'll happen if Hayley totally freaks about this?"

Abby closed her eyes and sat quietly for a few moments. "I don't know how we'll deal with that. I truly don't know." Bringing Clancy's hand to her lips, she said, "But we will deal with it. Somehow." She touched Clancy's cheek so they were looking into each other's eyes. "Does that reassure you?"

"A little. But I'm still worried that you're gonna regret this - even if your kids don't give you a hard time. It just seems like such a leap!"

"The lesbian thing?"

"Yes!" Clancy said, frustration showing again.

"Maybe you don't know me well enough," Abby said. "Let me tell you a few things. I don't want to sound like I'm boasting, but I'm a very, very open-minded person. I don't think of people by category. I really try not to lump people together based on some characteristic, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. That's one of the things I admire about you."

"Thanks. I guess what I'm trying to say is that how people categorize their sexuality doesn't affect how I feel about them - so it doesn't affect how I feel about myself very much, either. I was completely satisfied with my sexual orientation for my whole life, Clancy - I never longed for a woman's touch. But now that I've had it - I see how different it is, and how it reaches a different part of me. It's very rewarding - and very pleasing, and I'm very glad that we're sharing this."

"So, you're saying that you really don't think you'll freak?"

"No, I don't," Abby said firmly. "For one thing, I'm not that kind of person. I know what tragedy is. I know what it's like to have my whole world turned upside down. I lived through that - and I still wake up most mornings happy to be alive. Worrying about the sex of the person I'm being intimate with is such a minor issue in the scheme of things. It's really too inconsequential to bother with." She gave Clancy another lingering kiss and said, "I'm really open-minded about sex. Will and I weren't bored in the least, and that was after twenty years of monogamy. I like to experiment, and try new things. My habit was never to say no unless I'd tried it. This is another new experience - a very, very pleasurable experience, I might add."

"I like the way you think," Clancy said, wrapping her arms tightly around Abby's body. "One more good reason to have an experienced, mature lover."

"Hey, we've got to have some benefits," she said.

"You have more benefits than I can count."

"Speaking of counting," Abby said, "I can almost count your ribs. You go shower while I make dinner, then we can talk some more if you want to."

Clancy stood and stretched her body out. "Nope. I'm finished. You've allayed all of my fears - for a while at least. We'll chill until Hayley comes home."

"It's a deal," Abby said, drawing the younger woman to her and pulling her shirt from her pants. Several warm, lingering kisses along Clancy's abdomen made both of them forget their agenda; they stumbled into the living room and spent the next hour showering each other with affection.

Sated and happy, Abby slipped her clothes back on and sat down in the den. Dialing her parents, she waited for a moment, pleased when her daughter answered. "Hi, baby. How's everything going?"

"Hi, Mom," Hayley said brightly. "Everything's great. The weather's really warm and sunny, and I spent most of the day going on a long bike ride. Gramps has a really cool recumbent bike, and I rode the wheels off it."

"I don't even know what that is, but if your grandfather bought it, I'm sure it's very high-tech," Abby said, laughing.

"Yeah. Sometimes I forget how cool Gram and Gramps are, but then I hear people at school talking about how their moms and dads don't know how to use computers! Isn't that weird?"

"A little," Abby said, "but some people don't like change. Luckily, your grandparents aren't like that. They're never afraid to try new things."

"Yeah. Gramps has the whole house wired for Wi-Fi. I can surf from anyplace!"

"Are you having fun, honey?" Abby asked. "Keeping busy?"

"Yeah. I'm doing good. They're both working on things, so they give me some space. I've been going to the beach every day … you know … hanging out."

"Have you met anyone to hang out with?"

"Yeah. I met a guy from California who's visiting his family this week. He works for an energy-alternatives foundation in San Francisco."

"Oh. How old is this guy?"

"I think he's about twenty-five or twenty-six. He's the oldest of four, and his youngest brother is a freshman at UC San Diego. He's pretty cool, Mom. We've been hanging out with his brothers at the beach. They're a lot of fun."

"What's his name?"

"Alexander," she said, pronouncing each syllable distinctly. "Isn't that a great name? He calls himself Alex, but I think Alexander sounds cooler."

"That's a very great name," Abby said, smiling to herself. "Have you seen each other in the evening?"

"Yeah. We went out clubbing last night. His family's been coming here for years, and he knows a lot of people. It was great."

"I'm glad you're having fun, honey. Alexander sounds like a nice guy."

"Oh, he is. Really smart, funny, and sweet. And he has the most wonderful face. Strong, but sometimes he looks almost pretty." She sounded like she was talking about a Greek god, and Abby had a feeling that her little girl was smitten once again.

"Are you going to be ready to come home? I'd hate to have you miss out on the fun. I'll change your ticket for you if you want to stay longer." Abby was shocked at the words that were coming from her mouth. She realized she was trying to talk Hayley into staying away - just so she and Clancy could have more time together. She felt like hitting herself on the head with the phone, but Hayley reassured her.

"No, I'm ready. Alexander leaves on Sunday, so I'm ready to leave, too. I might stop and see him before I go back to Santa Cruz, though. If that's okay."

"We can probably work something out since we have some time to change your reservations," Abby said. "How do you feel about coming home?"

"Good. Why?"

"Why? You were more than a little upset when you left here, Hayley."

"Oh. Right. I was kind of a bitch, wasn't I?"

"I wouldn't use that word, but you weren't showing your best side."

"I'll apologize to Clancy … and mean it this time," she said. "I treated her like shit, Mom. And she didn't deserve it."

"Not many people deserve that, honey. I'm sure she'd appreciate it."

"Maybe I'll work with her again. I could use some extra money."

"Mmm … I don't think that'll work out. They've mostly finished the water feature, and I think things are pretty technical right now."

"Oh! They've done that already?"

"Uh-huh. You'll be amazed at how much is finished." She waited a beat, then asked, "If you'd like a job, I could ask around."

"I would," she said. "I know I'll only be home for a few more weeks, but I don't want to lie around and do nothing. Alexander was telling me that he doesn't have enough hours in the day to do all the things he has to do. I'm not living up to my potential, Mom."

Abby smirked to herself, wondering how long it would be before Hayley was urging her to trade in her Lexus for an electric car.