TASK 48. Read the weather jokes below and choose one to tell it to your partner. Explain why you liked it most of all.

Joke 1

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold, and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,  "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"  "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. 

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.  "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"  "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." 

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.  "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"  "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."  "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.  The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!" 

Joke 2

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he had been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me." 

Joke 3

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio.

"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."

Ole said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.

The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets."

Again Ole replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they’re sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Ole didn’t get the rest of the instructions.

He turned to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?"

Lena replied, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the garage today."

Joke 4: Knowing Weather with a Dog

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s raining. If the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is raining very hard. If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely yours, THE CAT

Joke 5: Daddy’s Advice

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.

She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. That made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.

As she followed the snow plow, she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problems with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signalled for her to roll her window down.

The driver wanted to know if she was alright as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver said that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Walmart parking lot and was going over to K-mart next.